Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I'm very new to this, but I thought this may be the forum that could provide some help regarding how to cope with triggers.. Two months ago I finally got away (mostly) from my husband who was emotionally and physically abusive throughout our four year relationship. I suffer with two very distinct issues: the most notable beating and the feeling of being followed wherever I go.
For the first instance, I remember him kicking me in the ribs on the lawn of an apartment complex.Grabbing my hair and throwing me around. A man calling the police and him throwing me in the car because it was my fault and we had to leave. Bashing my face into the passenger window of the car while he was driving. The dress I wore still hangs in my closet. I don't know why I still have it because everytime I see it, it feels like I'm frozen and just think about that day. I took pictures of the wounds in case he tried to screw me over one day, when I see them the same thing happens. I guess the question I am looking for answers to is, will there ever be a time that it can be put behind you? I can't even talk about it to anyone (that's why I came here) without sobbing uncontrollably and feeling like I'm going mad. How do you find relief?
Second issue, an everyday occurance and one that precludes me from functioning as a productive member of society, is constantly feeling followed. I told my husband I was going to put in for a job away from him seven months before me being able to actually leave. During that time, he followed me almost everywhere I went. To get coffee, grocery store, pick up take out. He had a tracking application on my phone and an On-Star account for my car. Once I moved away (5 hour difference), it continued to happen. The last time he showed up was two weeks ago and he came to my house. I feel as if I can't leave my house comfortably because everywhere I go I'm just looking for him. And at this point, it feels irrational. I worry that when he is over this and I am just a distant memory for him, I will still feel this way.
Has anyone had similar situations or have suggestuions on how to cope with this? I'm starting to feel crazy....
Putting the experience behind you is a big step forward. I suggest talking to a therapist about putting it aside from time to time so you can do things to move forward in your life. Please take it one day at a time or even one hour at a time. Crying is nothing to be ashamed of. Triggers happen. The thing to figure out is what to do and how to think about it for one hour at a time when you get triggered. I strongly suggest visiting the PsychCentral website and looking up trauma coping strategies and maybe even a self test or two so you can fill them out and bring them to a doctor or therapist appointment so you have a starting point.
Call a hotline in your area and they can help you. Tell them about the phone and vehicle.
You are not going crazy.... and none of this is your fault.
You are in a very dangerous time of leaving him. Get the help and support... You need it. They will know how best to help.
Keep us posted?
I was 9 then, and he beat her every week or so until I hit my teen years, and then he turned on me. Unfortunately, relief for my mom as the primary target went sour. She began trying on purpose to get him to beat me instead of her, going so far as to lie to him about "misbehavior" so I'd get a beating.
That's how I saw how untreated PTSD works--hurt people hurt people. The lesson went so deep in me that as a young adult I got surgery so I'd never have kids that could have that happen to them.
As an adult, my crazy abusers still stalked me. I moved from state to state, and they were so sick that they'd move to follow me. They even engaged the services of a retired FBI agent to stalk me at work. I turned him over to HR where I work.
It was nuttier yet again.
They wanted control over their abuse history so they could cover their abusive tracks with the church. Separately from me, their national church bosses finally caught them and they were fired, my father stripped of his reverend status, finally.
I can imagine how you feel, since my abusers followed a similar pattern. I wish I could tell you how to get them to stop, but they were so mentally ill as stalking abusers nobody could get them to see reason. I set up boundaries where I could, like turning their ex-FBI agent in to HR at my job. I didn't let embarrassment get in the way--stalkers use shame to manipulate us. I imagine you've gotten a court restraining order, right?