Is your dietitian an eating disorder specialist?

Ive been hospitalized for an eating disorder before...and I would say to tackle that first. when your body is physically strained, you are already at a large disadvantage to anything emotional/mental.

Have you considered going to the hospital?

I'm so sorry you are struggling right now. Sadly, the road to recovery doesn't look at all like the Yellow Brick Road. There are dead ends, sharp rocks, cliffs, road blocks and a jillion other crazy drivers. Reaching out today took a lot of courage just as setting boundaries with Mom took courage.
Twilight is absolutely right about getting some sleep and food. Are there any foods that you can eat? When I really struggle, the only thing that I can swallow is soft icecream but at least it's something that stays down.
Since your faith is a place of comfort, perhaps rather than asking God to heal and help you, ask for nothing. Let Him know that you are turning over all things to Him and His wisdom and His time. Connect with the love of God and focus only on the way you feel. Share your love with Him and not your requests. You won't have to worry about what to do because it will all be in His hands. I'm sending you love and compassion from Mississippi.

I have watched many friends in my support group experience this type of whiplash while learning to set healthy boundaries. Enough to tempt me to call it, "Normal." One friend told me she felt like she was trying to punish her own self in the manner to which she was accustomed.

Small steps, Jasgall.

It was a healthy boundary. You are not finished with the small step of setting that healthy boundary until you feel good about it. Be patient with yourself and do remember to let your faith carry you. It can and will if you let it.

repeat: it was a healthy boundary. Ya done good.

WOW. im totally right there with you. setting boundries with my mom, now im in full on self destruct mode, praying for help, because i cant control myself. with me, its gambling. i have a beautiful little girl, i gave her to my friend for most the week every week because i am afraid, and because i keep blowing every financial thing that comes my way. go on auto piliot. disassociate. I feel i am losing the one thing in my life that truly matters to me... i know there is no way to explain it, but im so right there with you...

ARFIE-why does it do this? does it pass? does it pass before your life is completely destroyed? its so strange. a healthy boundry. and even before when i would try to confront her about it, i would freak out and go into total floor mode as i call it. curl up in a ball and let it wash over me... all the pain, all the hurt, all the diologe. all the reasons i cant stand myself... over and over again until it finally starts to dissapate and i can stand again. i feel like i am chained to a train track watching the train come constantly.
im sticking to my guns about my mom. she keeps trying to come back, offering to take my daughter places, give us things. i keep refusing.

Im so sorry you are feeling this way jas... i wish i had some advice, but just know you are not alone.

I'm so thrilled that jasgall and dracona are setting and keeping boundaries! (think football stadium cheering sounds) I read a sign that said "the pain of becoming is necessary to the joy of being". It makes a lot of sense to me. It's often hard to see around the pain to the light at the end of a seemingly endless tunnel. Hang in there!. You really are moving forward even if it doesn't feel like it yet.

twilight, yes. she specializes in ED's. No. I have not considered going to the hospital, but my therapist and i have began a discussion about inpatient. i'm considering mercy and timberline knolls. school is over in a month.

God bless you sweet angel girl. We are here with you. I found I have to be in a safe peaceful place to heal and healing takes a lot of time. Listen to your angels and follow your heart.

Dracona,
This particular problem is not in my personal baggage car, so I can only theorate from the outside looking in. I think it is habit. It seems to hit hardest in folks with a lifetime habit of playing doormat and unconsciously channeling their frustrations into their most available vice. Is there anything tougher than habits? I think the one step forward, two steps back thing is just the habit trying to hold its shape. I don't have this particular habit but I go through a similar pattern with the coping habits I picked up during my abuse years.

Gentle hugs jasgall. Forgiveness is something that is often earned as it is given. Only you can judge when it is the right time for you to move forward in this area of your life.

In the meantime, know you are not alone- nor will you ever be.