It's that time of year again when a new semester starts. I teach full time from my hospital chaplaincy years, death and dying classes to nursing students at a community college. It's been rewarding these 7 years I've done it since kidney disease took me off the hospital floor into the classroom, and I'm grateful.
However, my despite effective therapy, meds, and this wonderful support group, with age my PTSD symptoms are becoming more difficult to manage in the workplace. Things like panic attacks and flashbacks at work in front of classes full of students.
I've decided not to beat myself up about it, and to celebrate the fact that I'll make it to early retirement age in 2 years to retire to Mexico. To get there, though, I have to make it through Monday's start of a new semester, and 4 more semester starts after that.
I have that anxiety-filled feeling in my stomach you get on a roller coaster. I'm ready on paper, but not really ready in the pit of my stomach. Not really ready at all, I'll have to fake again to make it.
Still, here goes nothin'.
Anybody else going back to school?
The parents of my grandchildren are divorce dancing. Dunno what the results of that drama will be, nor is it mine to sort in any event. Prayers in progress. The GK's (2 & 5) are in protective custody with the other grandparents and Hubs and I are preparing for our first week with them since the police took the children away from both parents. We don't know the other grandparents very well. We...
Why?Why did you hurt me? What did I do wrong?Why am I not good enough the way that I am? Do you not love me? Do you not care?I tried to be what you wanted me to be!Why did you steal my childhood? Why didn’t you love me for me?Why did you not want me? Why did you not hesitate on giving me up?Why I no more than a sex toy? To do with what you wanted and discard?Was I not the child you wanted?Was I...