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i have been caught in yet another round of flashback psychosis. "the dumb broad show" is chattering in my head like unsolicited advice debates. the gory details are in my journal for those of you who care enough to do the research. for the specifics of this post, i am working the therapy tools and they work when i work them. the course of my little ship of fools is holding steady through the stormy sees.
the reason for this post is a development in the flashback management theory i have been calling, "mining for gems." with this theory, i have been working to drop my long habitual cries of protest and lean ever so gently into the flashbacks with my attention focused on reaching past the trauma to the details surrounding the trauma for the precious gems which have been buried in the mindslides of trauma. i've been discovering that i have thrown a horrific number of babies out with the proverbial bathwater. babies worthy of a rescue mission.
it seems probable that most of you have not been keeping up with my theories far enough to know of what i speak. perhaps i should muscle in a recap, but? ? ? busy times here on my little ship of fools. got decks to swab and fellow pirates to humble.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
hm-m-m-m-m. . . i hadn't connected that dot, but methinks you hit the neuron on the receptor with elegant simplicity.
gentleness doesn't come natural. my slow early development and my small physique made trying harder a necessary survival tool during my formative years. triple so for the years i was a small woman in a manly career.
learning to do nothing and be gentle remains an ongoing study for me. it remains a slow and tedious process for me. i guestimate i've been working the current flashback series for about two weeks now. give or take. . . these episodes never seem to have clear start and finish lines. the greatest progress is in detaching from the pain. yes, the pain is still there, but. . . the aforementioned factors may have given me an atypically high threshold for pain. maybe. . . yet another place where accurate measure is hard to figure.
i sure hope you'll share where that nugget takes you.