I understand that feeling of powerlessness. It is awful. I still haven't figured out how to come to terms with it. I hope you do get out of there and the corrupt powers fall spectacularly.

triple hugs of support~

sometimes the only thing we can change is our reaction to the fact that nothing is changing. looks like that is where you are, good luck with changing your response and move passed it and away~

I can sooo relate to this. I already deal with low self-worth in life and didn't need to be treated as any LESS valid in life. The powers that be simply cannot see. I moved on but when more things went criminally wrong in my life they once again screwed everything up and treated me as a less than. I cannot respect the people who are supposed to be in control and know what they're doing when they simply do not and this puts further trauma onto me. We get through this too somehow and I think it is because we have had a lot of practise where we had to be strong.❤

Aliceo, thanks for naming the middle aged white male as the reason you want to disappear from your area, because that category of person is why I want to disappear from my area, too.

Rant Warning

It's beyond ironic, because on the outside I'm a beyond middle aged white male. But I'm a Third Culture Kid and it's finally driving me crazy where I live.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_culture_kid

In my area the Good Old Boy's network prevails in doing ugly things that are directly and personally insulting to my actual heritage of being raised in Mexico and South America. I teach Spanish half time at a local community college, so my heritage comes up. I wish I hadn't accepted the job, and I can't wait to retire in 2 years because it's not worth banging my head against the Good Old Boys' cultural wall.

I have a doctorate in Spanish, but where I live when I talk about literature if it turns out to be from that the response is silence as in "oh, it's just that literature from Spanish, not real literature." The conversation then turns to illegal aliens. It just did at lunch with my coworkers at the college again for the umpteenth time last Wednesday. I wanted to scream with boredom at the lazy choice of that sole topic again.

I just went to an art show last night where the local hoi polloi were out in force and I my Spanish heritage got insulted to my face again by a local professor standing right there talking to me among all of the culture vultures with wine glasses in their hands. It was so predictable it was boring. I get tired of the attacks on that half of my heritage and my self esteem. I just came back from Mexico, and they don't treat English language culture and the English half of my heritage like that, they're interested in both.

With all that's wrong with Mexico and its corruption and the drug war there, with machismo, with the fact that I got PTSD surviving violence there, with everything, oddly enough it's there that I escape the Good Old Boys network and have value as a whole person with both Spanish and English sides to me. I have a plane ticket to go back to Mexico in July, so I came back from being insulted at that art show and made my hotel reservations for my visit as a way to comfort myself.

I wish I could buy you a ticket out, too, if only for a little while. These people can drive folks crazy.

It's awful that you're left feeling that way, but it shows great character that you care. It shows the fortitude of that good character that you fought long and hard.

Powerlessness is maddening. I hope you'll be able to move to a more supportive environment sooner rather than later.

Support while you vent, sometimes we all need a good ol' ramble.