Technically, nothing in that is incorrect--- but its wording and timing was freaking insensitive as he**. We do all have sh*t happening, and life happening, and we really don't have any control over anything but ourselves---and not even that.

Maybe someone else has a good link to a site or something to explain that on a very real, biochemical level? We are *not* in control. We'd like to be, but when it's conscious mind versus neurobiology? Conscious mind goes so far. Then the biology bites in, and that's that. I have epilepsy. I've been told to "just don't let it happen". (As if!) As for PTSD---the big Depression that comes with it for me?---I finally got my mom to understand how bad it was by taelling her quite bluntly, "I first wanted to run away from home when I was 9, and I first thought of sucide when I was 11."

Her heart about broke---but her mind finally got it. This wasn't some transient depressive mood related to a single event. It was The Abyss, and it was staring back at me. You pile up enough "single events", you also get what's known as cumulative effect---and that wears a groove in the brain's chemistry, too.

Sorry to rant on, but I face this a *lot*. It's my biggest concern in trying to re-integrate people into my life. If my mom wasn't a nurse, who has her own PTSD issues, I doubt she'd even really get it.... *sigh*

Gentle support. We're here.

Oh, you'll have no trouble eliciting stories from most of us ... about the invalidating lines we get from well-meaning (mostly) friends, family, and loved ones.

Unfortunately.

People without PTSD don't get it and probably can't get it.
I'm not good at positive thinking, because something bad always seems to happen, but I try not to be unrealistically negative.
Sorry I don't really know what to say. Sorry you're feeling bad.

I hate it when people say shit like that. Maybe they are trying to be helpful, idk. But thinking positively isn't always realistic,and some people just don't get that. I would rather think realistically than be ignorantly positive all the time.

I wish I had some advice for you, but I don't. I'm sending you hugs though. ((Hugs))

Is it more realistic to think something good is going to happen or something bad is going to happen? Some people saY what you focus on is what you get? But just thinking good thoughts doesn't automatically mean that's all you get all the time.

RealiStically we dont know what's going to happen and the bad s*** has come as the biggest surprise of all meaning there is no way I could have seen it coming. So I think what most of us have figured out or at least accepted is that yes good and bad stuff happen all the time to everyone.

Having a positive attitude helps to overcome the ridiculously bad s*** out there. If I let it all get down in me I'd be weaker for the next thing and the next thing always comes. But in between the things I can't control or see I'm going to have the best time I can and why not what will be will be I could die tomorrow or tonight I won't regret How I've lived. I can't be happy all the time but I can be content. I was worse off when I thought if I can just get through this I'll be sailing off into the sunset or worse I was so hopeless that I believed nothing will ever change or get better better.....guess what something's have changed and gotten so much better and I've faced the most devastating circumstances to date.

I would say I am way more realistic than I have ever been in a balanced way.

I care more about mirroring than positive or negative suggestions. I want the person who is claiming to listen to what's going on with me to reflect back that they understand what I'm saying--mirror it in their own words. That validates me more than anything else, and matters to me more than any advice, positive or negative. I don't need to be fixed, I need to be heard.

Yes, Muj!! I don't need to be fixed, I need to be heard... Perfectly said!

When it comes to mental health issues the stigma and ignorance is still alive and well. I really don't think you can get people like this to understand. They are the type of person who is so involved with themselves they are not able to see and feel what others are dealing with.

Do you think you would be able to use the energy you are using to try and get him to understand on yourself instead? Maybe you could leave this for a while and just focus on you? You are the most important thing in your life right now.

In my experience as I started to get better, I had a lot of "light bulb" moments and I am now starting to realize that yes I do have the ability to make some choice to improve the quality of my life. I am starting to feel less like a victim. That is not to say I do not have days where I fall into the depth of depression. I was kept in the hospital longer this type and that extra week made a huge difference. I could see clearly by the end of the week and I could feel myself getting stronger everyday. To me the secret was listening to what the experts where saying, doing the deep breathing morning, noon and night everyday. I could see the patients who were going to get well and those who were not going to get well this time around. It was not that they were not trying but rather they were not ready.

You will get will, it can be done.

((hugs)))

"Just" is a flag word for me. Most often the flag, in my mind's eye, is marked, "The Finish Line." This conversation has JUST gone as far as it can go. Time to just change the subject or just find another place to be.

When I use it on myself, I think I pack entire libraries of data into every letter. It is just amazing what I can pack into just a four letter word. I am a bit of a menace when I start Justing with myself.

Yes, IG, life happens to everyone, complete with bowel movements and other compost. Acceptance and apathy are not synonyms. An acceptance philosophy I have benefited from is called, "The 3 C's."

I didn't Cause it
I can't Cure it
I can't Control it

Far from apathy, I have found that once I accept, new levels of caring become possible.

Just me.

Gentle support while you sort your own, IG.

On the path to acceptance, do the 5 stages hold true for you? I know they were created by Kubler Ross for the acceptance of death and dying, but they've been applied to other losses, too, like divorce. Do they apply to major trauma and the loss of innocence? They are:

denial-anger-bargaining-depression-acceptance

I remember back when I was public speaking for a Mood Disorder Assoc here this was a huge topic that people wanted to discuss... In fairness to those who don't really understand on any level these types of serious illnesses they just don't understand it at all

And I found at least for the most part that people/loved ones really did want to help they just were at a loss
I think one of the biggest confusion that we have is the difference between depressed and depression ... New language is available now... Depression is unipolar disorder however no one has embraced it unfortunately

If loved ones are willing it could be suggested to look up the signs and symptoms of depression and discuss it

For myself it was in my best interest to discuss these types of things with people educated and supportive... It was just frustrating for all concerned otherwise

In fairness to those who don't understand ...How could they if it's not within their experience... Anymore then I could understand what it's like to be a man

If I could I would.
Negative thinking is a symptom not the cause....
I am sooo with you.
I am being barraged by comments like that and even angry at me for being depressed!

God I wish I could just shut them up with a punch to their F mouth...

One of my neighbors waved today and said, "Oh just cheer up, it's not that bad!" (Instead of "Hello".) OK I look grim today, but grrrrrrrr.

they dont get hugs hon