I would totally change it. 100 percent would i change it

Yes I would totally change the outcome. Then I would never be known as the boy kidnapped from Antioch Illinois.

Scott

I would change all of it. every bit.

I assume I came into this life with some intention of accomplishing something. Maybe I would have been an arrogant asshole if the bad things hadn't happened. I don't know. If I think too hard about this I come up against the cosmic questions I can never answer so I think I'll let this slide. I will say that I come to terms with my own pain by finding meaning in it in terms of what I have learned about being human, compassion and empathy. But whatever I meant to accomplish, I don't think I have accomplished it yet. My thoughts and understanding are as unclear as this answer.

I would because it fucked up my life I hate everything about myself and who I have become and I am scared of what will happen to me in the future I just feel like nobody really cares they just put up with me.

I would like to say that I would change it at times I think I could almost believe that. However, right now in this moment I wouldn't change anything. I have learned from my experience that I am strong and that No matter how long or often I get kicked down, I will still get up and be stronger for it. So no. I wouldn't change it.

Not sure if that would change things at 2, but I also have a daughter that exists and grands.
There are things I learned that I am sure there are better ways of learning, but that work is done and I don't wan to re-do any of those lessons regardless of how they are taught. ...And then there is John and Posse, who I may have never met, losing them once is enough.

Also meeting the friends I have found here, because I may not have looked.
So whats past is that and what I do with now is up to me.

Oh yeah. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing since then has made what I went through worth it. Nothing.

That would be wishing I were somebody else, since my PTSD started at least when I was 4. Being a hospital chaplain gave me a intimate look into the lives of 20 people a day, 100 people a week, 5,000 people a year.

Over time, the evidence mounted that everybody has something in their life, nobody is "normal," that's just a mathematical idea we misapply to our human lives. Some patients I met had horrors beyond my traumas and handled them well. Some patients had lesser troubles but fell apart over them constantly.

For me, I realized from real life observation of them all that it's not just what happened to you, but what coping tools you developed for whatever it was.

So I didn't deserve one single of the many traumas that befell me as a kid. Like you, I'd go back and protect him like you said you'd go back and protect yourself as a child. Absolutely. And kick the butts of some evil people who , hurt that little boy, too, as long as I was back there in time.

But I'm with you, too, when you say "Personally I wouldn't because as much as it sucked, it shaped me to be someone who doesn't take shit from others."

Yeah, I didn't become a hospital chaplain in a major trauma ER in spite of my PTSD; I became one because of my PTSD. It equipped me for the job, quite literally, and it was a richer experience than a lot of people get to have in life. I wouldn't trade that.

I would, however, trade the kidney disease that took that away from me. Still, I went from teaching literature (indirectly about people) before hospital chaplaincy to teaching psych classes on death and dying (directly about people) afterward. I'm grateful for that and use PTSD wisdom in class to teach that, too.

The one thing PTSD has taken from me that I wish were different is that I am high functioning in every area of life except in being part of a couple or a family. I cope best with PTSD as a loner, so if I didn't have PTSD perhaps I would be a husband or a father. However, never having seen good role models of husbands or fathers up close, I really am not informed enough to know what I'm missing.

So, Cry, just speaking for myself it comes down to this: I don't blame anyone who sees it otherwise but, like you, in the end I wouldn't change it, either.

My PTSD came from gun violence and getting injured. Yes, I would change it in a heartbeat, without a second thought.

That is a good question. I was just thinking about it this week. Sometimes I think yes; I think of that movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Have you ever seen it? It's about a man who has his memory wiped out on purpose.

Would absolutely change every little detail. All I've gotten from this life is a hijacher who thrives on my pain for no reason. The man I am and values I have particularly being: ending war, violence, terrorism, hatred , racism, self harm and treating these and all forms of mental illness proactively, 24/7, with empathy, compassion and love that is me, was me and always will be me. In this life I only have pain without reason. My desires and efforts successfully thwarted.. In this life I'm only being brutally punished as if my life experience is only to be food for my hijacker. This life of mine may exist this way to stop me in my good efforts. But maybe I'm just delusional. Change everything anyway. I'll still try to fight for what's right.

Forgot to say I also want to change it because in this life I never got to experience and understand the worth of all those HUGS. I'd really like to have that part.

as much as i want to say yes i will still say no, because i won't be here where i am today, and I won't have met 2 wonderful people in my life...that mean so much to me..so perhaps the answer is no.

I want to say a thousand times yes. But then my little girl wouldn't exist.