Sorry, I think you might have missed the first part... 'divorced and still dealing with the nightmare..."

but thank you for sharing your story.

Thankfully I have custody, so I have control over visitation. He has been unwilling to agree to alcohol visits, so the children haven't visited with him since May. He does however like to send texts, and try to manipulate, change the story around to put out like I am lying or crazy. Tried to gaslight me. He self reported to me about the alcohol days later, so nothing that police could do at that point. Children's Aid was notified, and the minute there were authorities involved it became a he said she said mess.

I need to change my order to include 'alcohol free visits' but I just don't even have the stress tolerance to handle it right now.

Can I just start by saying I can completely relate and that with, time, hardwork, and frankly healing, it can get better. I spent 20 years in an abusive relationship (15 married) which resulted in 3 children. My ex controlled the money, family activities and where I was at all times. Anything abusive was always twisted/ gaslighted into being my fault. I am almost two years out from finalizing the divorce and am learning to manage his behavior (he does not have a clue on child safety/ parenting, had my oldest walking the dog by herself after dark in the winter at the age of 8). I am also learning to accept my new freedom from fear and intimidation. This is a difficult process and everyone has their own timeline but it can happen. My therapist and I agreed that it’s similar to being released from prison. For me a few things helped, not making things personal and focusing on doing what is right for my kids and required by law. Example, every week he picks a spot different than where I suggest for exchanging the kids. It’s controlling and annoying but I let it go because it’s at the agreed upon location. Second helpful thing was reading up on healing from narcissist relationships (he is a classic narcissist). This reading has helped me predict and manage his behavior. It’s still a work in progress, but I am in a much better place two years later. Regarding the driving while drunk, I feel for you. I had a friend recommend recording all my conversations with a hidden hand recorder. Heaven forbid it happens again, but if you catch him on tape, you can take steps to hold him accountable. These can be used as evidence as long as one person (you) are aware of the recording. Healing hugs for you and the kiddos.

ughhh, narcissists.. borderline personality disorder. My ex makes my skin crawl. I think being able to predict his behaviour actually heightens my anxiety. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Sometimes I have to catch myself when I can feel his words getting into my head.

Where do you live? Where I live recordings are not admissible unless BOTH parties are aware and agreeable. Otherwise recording would 100% be happening. Sometimes I contemplate doing it just for my own personal sanity.

or maybe not agreeable, but at least aware.