Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Hello,
Long story short, I went through a traumatic experience in fall of 2016 and fell into deep depression and started to have increased anxiety in January of this year. I'm now recognizing I was probably, and still am, going through PTSD (which may actually be Complex-PTSD). I was hoping my condition would improve back into how I was last year at the start of a new school year in high school, but unfortunately, that hasn't happened yet. However, it's not to say that my condition hasn't improved. Mentally, I feel more positive now, but I'm still feeling the effects. I'm slowly regaining my strength and--maybe--my memory.
As a straight-A student in high school who usually takes all the honors or advanced class that I can (including Advanced Placement classes), this has been an extremely difficult time for me. Seeing how now I can't even complete homework because I can't concentrate long enough really frustrates me. To be honest, doing homework makes me remember the difficult period of time I went through last semester (Jan-May), and I fear that my new school year will end up the same way. You could say that last semester was traumatic enough for me in itself.
As a senior, I'm now more anxious because I have to apply to colleges/universities and I have to figure out how to discuss about my mental condition (or, if I should even do that) and how it has affected my academic abilities. I'm afraid that my depression, anxiety, and PTSD will be the reasons why I am not accepted into top schools like Harvard and Princeton. While mental illness is a widespread problem, it's still considered taboo in society and not many people are very understanding.
Two out of five of my teachers already know about my mental condition because I've had them before in the past and I've told them about it. One, I had to tell at the beginning of this school year because there was no way for me to complete his assignments on time. He's been supportive but I can tell that he's now getting frustrated with me. Another teacher knows that there is a good reason why I'm not completing his assignments, so I don't feel I have the need to say in detail about my current situation (I just said I have a health issue). The fifth teacher, I've been meaning to go in and talk to him, but after my initial interactions with him this school year, I don't feel comfortable opening up to him. I do need to explain why I haven't been completing assignments, but I can't because I get too anxious about it. He won't read emails from students unless it is to setup appointments with him. I use emails because I get bad anxiety when I talk to people, so I don't know what to do about this. I do, however, try my hardest to participate and listen actively in class, so it is not like I have no desire to do well academically.
Someone suggested that I talk to an administrator at my school about my situation since my counselor and school psychologist have not been supportive of me (don't listen to, or probably care about, what I have to say or how I feel). I did talk to my admin three weeks ago, and she promised that she would have an answer to me in two school days. She still hasn't responded to me, so I sent a follow up email to her last night, to which she hasn't replied to either so far. I wanted to give her a reasonable amount of time to figure out what she needed to do to help with my situation, and I think 3 weeks is enough. Even if she hasn't succeeded in her efforts, it would be nice if she was transparent with her efforts and kept me updated. I don't believe she has forgotten because she did write down what I talked about as we had our meeting back in late August so that she wouldn't forget what we talked about. Right now I feel like the staff at my school don't truly care about what I need and I don't know what to do.
I could ask my parents to go in and talk to the administration or my teacher, but I don't think they would take my parents' concerns seriously. My parents do not speak English fluently and we are a minority (please don't judge me on that), and from my experiences throughout my life, if people don't want to listen to us, they say they can't understand what we are saying or just flat out refuse to listen to us. I'm fluent in English because I was born in the United States and have lived here my whole life. I try to translate (usually meaning reword) my parents' questions or statements if people can't understand them, but even then, some people are unwilling to work with us just because we are of a minority race. It's frustrating, really.
At this point, I think it's necessary to point out I have not gone to a therapist yet, and I am not planning on doing that. Seeing a doctor is one of my triggers to my PTSD, so naturally I am avoiding seeing any types of doctors. Someone from my last post did suggest to me to call into a hotline couneslor on the phone, but I still have worries that they will judge me and not give me the support I need. I'm not good with words or speaking, so I don't know if I could get my thoughts across effectively.
Yes, I am self-diagnosed, but I know enough of how I'm feeling to know that how I am feeling is not normal and that I am not being over-dramatic. No one should deny what I have gone through this year.
Hope this post isn't too long, as I feel that that was probably the case with my previous post (and that that is why people have stopped responding to me). Any comments or assistance will be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
If you are taking votes from your fellow patients, I vote you reconsider the professional therapist.
Also, self-diagnosis was, in my youth, considered a classic sign of hypochondria and is still seen as such by many, thus it's hard for many to take seriously those who declare their diagnoses. In general, not just medical types.
My mom was a nurse for 40 years, my in-laws are medical, and due to my own education, I speak "Medical". Nothing I'm advising is going to make your situation worse, and may help expedite proper care and referrals to proper care. And, sorry, you'll have to tell them more specifics than "a trauma". It sucks when I have to answer the question, "What happened to you?", to the point that, at 47, I can't speak (mutism). This is tough stuff to face, and you need a trauma specialist to help you figure out the best way for you to find healing and coping skills and so on.
Again, healing hopes to you, as to us all.
As a student it really helped that my P-doc helped me get through and speak up for my needs. I took Psychology courses, talk about opening a can of worms or snakes. I have many cans.
Support for what has been shared and to you.
J.
This is a good place to come.... I'm glad that you've found us.....xo
The problem with finding and seeing a therapist, whether they specialize in trauma and/or PTSD, is that my traumatic experience, unfortunately, has to do with doctors. I don't feel comfortable revealing on here what exactly happened to me due to privacy and security reasons, but the general idea is that I have had very bad and negative interactions with doctors in a particular field due to a different health issue (not mental). I have seen more than ten of these doctors and each of my treatments did not end well (none of which were my fault; please don't judge me, and I'd rather not have to explain myself at the moment since it's a complicated situation). The last doctor I saw did some very hurtful things to me. To add onto that, it was at a very stressful time of the year for me due to school and he was refusing to cooperate with me even though I had not done anything wrong to cause him to do that. I mentally snapped, and this is now the condition I am in. These experiences are why I have really bad trust issues.
Right now, I am not mentally prepared to open up to more people if they are unwilling to listen to me in the first place. It is not that I feel that opening up is unnecessary. I have been talking to my friends in the past couple of months and they have been very supportive, most likely because they've known me for quite some time and truly understand the difficulties I am going through with context of who I was before the trauma. I'm afraid that a new therapist will not be able to understand me fully just because they don't know me well.
As for the self-diagnosis, I have no intention of saying for sure that I have PTSD, Complex-PTSD, or any mental illness. I understand my own knowledge cannot substitute for a professional's expertise. I believe that just by at least recognizing that what I am feeling right now may be a serious problem (that possibly has a name) is one step forward in my recovery process.
If I were to find a therapist/specialist, I wouldn't know where to start. What should I look for in a therapist that would fit my needs? What is a good therapy-session price point?
I guess I am worried that professionals could possibly misdiagnose me, which could be eliminated if I get screened more than three times as Leo suggested. Still, I will worry about that because I was misdiagnosed in my first treatment for a different health issue, which spiraled into the nightmarish situations I had to deal with through most of my life (thus causing trauma) .
Another thing I am worried about is that while my parents know about what I have been going through this year, they have also gone through the same medical nightmares I had growing up. Thus, parent #1 has become very cautious with doctors as well, and he/she is usually the person who takes me to see the doctor. He/she has also gone through his/her own medical nightmares as well. Parent #2 doesn't usually deal with my medical stuff, so he/she would not be much help. I don't think I would have parent #1's support to see a therapist, let alone parent #2's. I don't have money of my own, so I wouldn't be able to pay for therapy sessions by myself.
In general, I'm open to the idea of seeing a specialist, but I don't know how I would initiate that idea with consideration of my worries. That's why I was considering the idea of speaking to an over-the-phone counselor.
Thanks for all your input!
Sort freely, sort often, at whatever speed you are comfortable with. Gentle support while you sort.
We have a journal here that you can set as private as you like. That's a good place to let out your own fears and sort by priority in anxiety levels. When I came here a friend who had been to many therapists and psychologists suggested that I make a trauma history similar to a medical history and use it as a qualifying document for therapist. Many therapists of any sort get in to the profession based on related personal experience (~76%), whether it was their own or someone they were very close to. They may not have exactly your experience but the level of awareness will show up in consultation on initial meeting. Most will refer you to a more suited therapist if they don't understand. My first said, "I 'm not qualified" and i received an immediate referral (days) to another that is a trauma/PTSD specialist. So if you can put the timeline together and take it with you. Ask them what they know about your list. Many first consultations are at no charge, and some work on a sliding scale to income. Most health insurance has mental health benefits even if they may be limited to a number visits per year. There are also community centers and church groups that offer individual counseling /group therapy/ family therapy, in settings not so hospital like ( I hate the lights in a hospital, and wear sunglasses and a hat if needed).
Medical trauma happens in many forms, I am hyper vigilant to a point most anesthetic's don't work very long, not long enough for the surgeries for sure. I tend to wake up while treatment/procedures/drills are still ongoing. Knowing where that comes from helps me to get a handle on dealing with it. Just enough to hold the cranking until it can be resolved.
Part comes from an overdose at three years old, part from parents, part from having a parent declared dead, only to find out they weren't after tubes pulled and time called. There is more, but here you share as you wish and are able. There are other's here that also have their histories that might just ring some bells with you.
It took a lot to learn to trust those here, but I do.
This might allow you to release some of your fears with people that have many experiences and save your friends for some fun relaxed time.
Hugs and support.
J.
I dealt with that by saying outright, "I'm scaredo f medical people."
I had at the time two docs I trusted (I've multi-diagnoses, epilepsy, PTSD, and post-accident issues), and asked them to recommend therapists/psychiatrists. I only checkd out the ones on *both* lists. Saved me a lot of stress and time. And got me into a good practice that had a trauma expert. I moved on from him, but stayed in-practice, with someone more focused on a different therapy approach that owrked for where I was in the process.
So that's the big thing. A starting point!
I agree, btw, keep the PTSD here, and rejoice in time with friends that is not PTSD-focused. We all need time off, so to speak, from our own heads. If you canf ind some, grab it.
I realize you may not have any doctors you trust (I had two out of seven then treating me, it was arotten time). But if you have a veterans' clinic or hospital near you, sometimes they'll see non-vets to assess/treat for trauma. And a lot of therapists are in a non-medical setting, much more relaxed, not the same smells or sounds, which is a huge plus for *me*. (Hospital type sounds and smells make me want to run screaming, but I can't run anymore, due to a doctor's screw-up. Yeah. Irony. It's not just a word in English class. It's a force in the universe.)
You may have other factors affecting you, too. I've no idea your situation, but my 2011 medical trauma was what took me from undiagnosed functioning PTSDer to "recluse unable to do anything". We hit that point where we can't cope with more, and... Well, here I am.
Wishing you luck!