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Primal Monitoring Systems

arfie
arfie

Inside my own strictly personals, the multi-generational shifts in family dynamics since my father-in-law's death at the end of September remain a muddy emotionally confusing, legally challenging mess. Distinguishing a father from a son from a child remains. . . Politically sensitive? This SIL/DIL is still not sure she wants to swim in that silver polish pool. Girl, howdy, my inner beaten crazy bitch wolf is feeling the call of the wild. Is there such a thing as a sane human? Just get me far away to anywhere but here. Don't fence me in. . .


It is still all guesses and speculations, especially the survey I am farm survey I am working here in North Texas, but it FEELS like it is holding a steady and desireable course. I think. Maybe. Works in progress. . . At worst, it is almost as much fun as volunteering at a Publically Owned Park. So far all the practical details are still in the in-law NUNYA (None of Your Business) cabinet. For the 36 years I have loved his son, the FIL's social skills turned mean in a hurry when conversation diverted from his control boundaries. So far, Hubs is still looking like his father's son when I ask about the legal and/or accounting details. Yes, dear. This is me running for the safety of my own business.


My own contusion-dodging mantra through the confusion has been, "Let God lead the Dance." Seems to be working. It is still hard, but. . . No major blouts yet. . . When I feel safe letting my thoughts move beyond mantraic simplicity, I often wonder if my emotions are designed to be an organic monitoring system. Negative emotions alert me to danger. Positive emotions alert me to the stuff I should be nurturing.


Thoughts? Copy and paste internet wisdom? Personal opines? Reality checks?

patti22
patti22
There's a reason why auctions are popular. Let the professionals sort all of the stuff out, take their cut, and issue you a check. Auction houses have dealt with real life psychology/politics far longer than the degree'd people.

There's a saying/joke about divorce "why are divorces so expensive...because they're worth it". Same is true with letting someone else do the work when someone dies leaving a houseful of stuff.
iwontbackdown1
iwontbackdown1
even when it works it doesn't...my quote ~ went through it while watching 2 goofy aunts pitching verbal darts when my Grandfather died....did NOT happen when my Mom passed...she lived with me...my daughter and grandkids won't have the drama...it's down on paper...whew.
cheesepuff77
cheesepuff77
Hugs Arfie, I have been doing this dance for over a year, not comparing here, just saying it has been an emotional rollercoaster. I refused the "bait" so I dealt with ONLY a lawyer, Only written, no verbal. If you feel the call to ride, and you know/trust a lawyer...is that a way forward? I will tell you I sat in on One lawyer to lawyer call and my hackles were triggered big time. Support as you sort!!
arfie
arfie
Watching hubs go through the yaddahs of sorting his father's business is enough to make me grateful for my emotional orphanhood. Alas, that very same orphanhood gives me about a kajillion blind spots in trying to be supportive during his grieving and executor challenges. I have zero direct personal experience, so. . . What do I know?

Hence the wish for a primal monitoring system. I'm not housebroken enough for civil knowledge of this particular process and not in-law bonded enough to feel the loss on a personal level. I called my in-laws, "Mister and Missus Surname."
Community LeaderLeo
Leo
ARfie, when my beloved Polish grandma died, my mother as eldest remaining female was heir to title of Matriarch and was led to the chair so reserved for such. Eight years later, she still grumbles about being "that old woman in charge" (even tho' everyone runs it past me first b/c of her brain tumor stuff anyway), and then? It's *my* turn when she dies. Ummm.... I'm a me, not a matriarch! *screams in panic and runs for hills*

If I ever figure out family dynamics, then Iw ill let you know, but given my Bro-in-law's wife threw away homemade fudge just b/c i made it? Yeah, work in progress, and oh, if only 9it weren't so much work. I can't even call her by name now. She's "His wife", a thing I hate, but .... if she insists on hating me b/c I'm from poor folk like her, and haven't "elevated' myself, well, then okay, that's how it is. I find it painful, as my brother-in-law used to accept me no questions asked. Every change---birth, marriage, death, money, etc.---leaves me dancing like a puma on a hot slate roof.

Big purring support.
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