wow!
I was at about the same age when my mother brought me to a shrink, her shrink. oh, wait.. There were two occasions, one at that age and again later, I guess about 16. I guess I was more fortunate than you, cuz the two shrinks I saw kind of felt for me, I think, in my story of abuse. I did not show emotion either. Showing emotion is for when it is safe to do so.

since then I've gone to college myself, taken my psychology and abnormal psych courses, etc. And what I noticed as an adult is that people are people, and shrinks are people too, and some shrinks are really cool and healthy people, and some shrinks really have too many of their own issues to be any help to anybody else.

I'm sorry you had that experience, and of course you couldn't understand where he was coming from or why he said all that that was soooo inappropriate. It would be interesting to see where he is now, wouldn't it? Maybe he changed careers, let's hope.

Have you ever been in therapy since?

I would concur with xa1...
I'm I man, its ok to hate me... maybe some man did some s+-*&y stuff to you, why wouldn't you feel that way.
Judges and shrinks often misinterpret the absence of emotion as no emotion... You are not alone.
They have no clue what dissociation is or other coping mechanisms... It's ignorance, and ignorance abounds.
Forgive yourself first, you are not flawed.
You have my support and my understanding.
(((Hugs)))

me too,,, i do understand because I am transgered as part of my DID family and I did have to work through hate of males and females I guess if I did not have faith and lots of therapy i could have had that said about me but one thing they cannot see is your soul and your conscience not all people who were abused become serial killers or go postal ,, If that were so I am sure most of us here could be in jail but we are here getting and giving help

Thanks xa1 and John for your support. At that age I don't think I even consciously thought about hating men in general except my father...and he wasn't the one who sexually abused me! My father was just an all around mean SOB. My first two sexual abusers were sweet as could be and I (at the time) felt more confusion than anger.
I have been in therapy since, yes. Once with a man that was fantastic and a couple of other times with women; one fantastic as well and two not so much. And just for the record I have made it to age 47 without murdering any men. I threw a book at one once but that was his fault :-)

Thank you bmwlover.
I have to apologize for my flippant and insensitive book throwing remark. I wasn't thinking when I typed that.

Hey Cecil, I was really shocked when I read what the shrink said to you when you were 12 or 13. IT sounds abusive to me, and so wrong that he shouldn't be practicing. Fancy saying all that to a kid!
Anyway, I can relate to the 'no emotion' part. I was in a heavy drug and alcohol rehab, which was all about yelling and screaming at each other. On my last day there, I was threatened with violence and screamed at by this woman. I just sat there - I was in shock. Then this man is screaming at me 'see? you don't have any feelings! If you had any feelings you'd be a mess on the floor!'
Needless to say, I had a LOT of trauma to work through for years and years after this place.
Hope you can find some way to get through your remembering of this episode. Writing here's a good start.

Thanks...It helps to have other's validate sometimes. I intellectually know that he was way off base and obviously had his own issues but emotionally it has always been in the back of my mind. On the upside it was one of the too few times my mom actually stood up for me. She wasn't in the room when it happened but she backed me up.

that was about the age i had probably the scariest thing that ever happened to me at a hospital, under a psychiatrist's care.

i wrote and recorded a song about it years ago, and play it whenever i play a gig. i think that's how i got through it.

Sometimes a horrid experience will completely leave me alone for years. Then out of the blue nightmares every night, revenge fantasies during the day (unacted upon.)

In my own case I think the memories start to clear themselves out of my subconscious only when I'm feeling very safe and far removed from the original event.

Maybe there is some trigger that starts the recall, but to me that's irrelevant. To me it is about trying to stay focused on constructive stuff during the day and to not consciously keep perseverating I keep redirecting my attention toward something more constructive. - Eventually I can get myself focused more on the present and eventually that old thing is just another piece of the past.

Sounds like real bad medicine (his way of practicing, I mean). I'm not a psychiatrist, but I guess if I had that thought that you looked like you hated men (especially at that age), I'd be asking myself "now why does she feel that way?" (and who might belong behind bars for causing it).

I know when I'm stressed out of my gourd, I get pretty silent and unemotional. Did the same basic behavior you describe when I was 13 and in the psychiatrist's office. His assessment was "she is strong" and then declined to work with me (even though I had disclosed sexual abuse from a adults). So you hate men and I'm strong? Do you think either of us was well served by such foolishness? True, these professionals are just people, but they are people generally well remunerated for working with these things, and ideally they would know their stuff (or pass it off to someone who specializes in the parts they don't know as much about).

I'm going out on a limb here, Cecil, but I wonder if the reason you feel stuck and like this is popping back out at you after a long time is maybe that here you find you are getting some validation. Sometimes these things go into storage until we can deal with them. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

I know. One of the first therapists I went to after I realized I had bad, bad PTSD went to the other extreme. After I described the horrible symptoms we all know too well and talk about here, he said I just "had an itch that needed scratching, so just go out there and follow your bliss."

Great. You got Dr. Hanging Judge, and I got Dr. Fluffy. Needless to say, I got a better doc with actual professionalism in his practice, and I hope you can, too.

*go out there and follow your bliss*??? I wonder if he pooped rainbows and kittens too?
I think I may know why this experience has been on my mind lately. I am looking for a new therapist and I guess i am afraid of being judged. On the upside...I have found someone!!! I have my first appointment next tuesday. I just hope I don't act like a jerk.

Wow.....He should have lost his lic......

I heard so much BS from therapists is insane...How we pay for that in top of all of it its crazy.

Don't worry about acting like a jerk. I think the more important thing is to say what you need to say and get a read on whether you feel the new therapist is a good fit.

Remember, he/she is there for you- your behavior, besides over the top stuff, is not to be judged.

Good luck on Tuesday