Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Yesterday I went to print off 5 years of documents for work and found one missing. So I tore my house apart and even plugged in an old desktop I had in storage to find it. I got only 3 hours sleep from looking all night. But it turns out it's true: there is a gap in my 5 years of tenure documentation indeed: Spring semester 2015. I owned up to it to my boss right away today since all of my tenure paperwork is due Feb 17.
Surprisingly, she was nice about it and said she was partly to blame. She's not only my boss but she's also on the community college tenure committee, so she said she could explain it to the committee.
The scary thing about tenure is that if you don't get it, you're fired, hence the anxiety.
Separately from that, I just had a hard day today on the job. I teach some Spanish courses on the side and grew up in Latin America. I can usually deflect ethnic slurs with humor, but today there was some racism that was so overt I had to chat with the dean about it for the first time in my 20 plus year teaching career.
Suffice it to say that my little Appalachian community college is a stressful place to work, so it's hard to get motivated to fight for tenure to be there forever right now. It feels as if 5 years of stress working here is peaking somehow. I'm trying to pay attention to what that might mean--whether, on the one hand, I'm sabotaging myself at the last minute. Whether, on the other hand, I should have been here these 5 years and should be here 5 or 10 more. Or not.
Muji
Surprisingly, she was nice about it and said she was partly to blame. She's not only my boss but she's also on the community college tenure committee, so she said she could explain it to the committee.
The scary thing about tenure is that if you don't get it, you're fired, hence the anxiety.
Separately from that, I just had a hard day today on the job. I teach some Spanish courses on the side and grew up in Latin America. I can usually deflect ethnic slurs with humor, but today there was some racism that was so overt I had to chat with the dean about it for the first time in my 20 plus year teaching career.
Suffice it to say that my little Appalachian community college is a stressful place to work, so it's hard to get motivated to fight for tenure to be there forever right now. It feels as if 5 years of stress working here is peaking somehow. I'm trying to pay attention to what that might mean--whether, on the one hand, I'm sabotaging myself at the last minute. Whether, on the other hand, I should have been here these 5 years and should be here 5 or 10 more. Or not.
Muji
-
I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
-
First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
Sometimes I have hoped you might retire, : ), sorry, my private wishes are not what you are supposed to do, right? you do what you decide to do. I have private wishes for other people who have become friends here - they know about them, but what is the important thing, is what makes you get out of bed in the morning. What makes you want to slay that dragon?
Some people need the dragon to slay, that reason to press onward and we who might love to see them take a break, cut themselves some slack or something like that, it is good when we can let that song go and instead, hold and encourage. Occasionally flang some chocolates to our dragon slaying friends, they need them. you guys need our support, you do, big time.
But not to say, well, you should probably let that go now and take a big ol rest. You are going to slay dragons until you are not going to slay dragons.
Go for it, Sir. we got you. we have SO MUCH imaginary chocolate around here, you might not believe it.
super gentle hugs, Lilly
No help, I know, but in an existential crisis, I remind myself that when I was 20, I didn't think I'd be anywhere I've been since----and yet, I've still been somewhere and still had some amazing experiences. Some sucked, some didn't, some were neutral, even when amazing. And met awesome people.
Yes, I know, Pollyanna Sunshine approach, but it's that or I do what my hubby does, and end up deciding to ditch my job, home and marriage to "find the destined path". (He's done that twice concerning the marriage, as well as job and home. Oy.) And if it's force a sunshiny smile, or decide it's all doom-gloom-and-misery-on-me? I try to go sunshiny, at least until I'm sure what I can or can't fix.
OK, wow, useless rambling, sorry. Just....
Trying to say: Vent on, ramble away, and you're not alone.
I really don't understand racism. I mean, some prejudice can sometimes be founded in some way, though one still shouldn't let that affect the way one views individuals, and as much as I try to avoid it, every now and then I misjudge someone by their looks and I' pretty sure that happens to everyone. But racism? I am completely unable to comprehend that, it just doesn't make any sense at all. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Hugs of support while you sort. (ha, that rhymes!)
Fingers crossed!
We have a new casino in our area that hosts guests from DC who are Latino, and locals have made up rumors that they're drug dealers who hide drugs in their babies' diapers. I kid you not. The dean herself told me that new rumor when I was in her office yesterday.
Sigh.
The good news still stands, though, that my boss was really nice about the missing paperwork for tenure and said she'll stand up for me about it because she's on that committee. Gotta count the wins.
Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart's desire; the other is to get it. ~Socrates
It be tough stuff to wrestle with. There bee bennies and butts whichever way it flows. A yin for every yang and a yang for every yin. . .
Steadying support while you sort, muji, whichever way it flows.