Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
...Without giving you the blow-by-blow...I told Mr Crazypants I was angry at him for threatening suicide this time.
He's done it many times before, so it's not like this is the first time, right? It hurt me every time? So I said so and said I was angry.
...His response was to unleash a huge torrent of abuse and to secure a massive overdose of drugs when I tried to withdraw from that.
I will admit I (we) have gotten busy and distracted. He felt neglected; rightfully so. But he didn't bother to bluntly tell us that, punch through my distraction. Nor did he just get normally angry. Nor would he allow us to apologize and fix it. He had to keep snarling at us.
All the stereotypical bullshit that I recognize well as emotional abuse tactics because I've had years of therapy.
...He may be dead, but it's more likely he's just smashed his phone.
He's smashed our love. Morrigan is our new protector in here? She will not allow his bullshit to hurt the children any more.
He can work on controlling it, therefore he is required to work on it in order to have us around. It is not ok to keep hurting us terribly with it because he is afraid of therapy.
And it seems he won't stop taking it out on us, expecting us to handle what he could have and should have dealt with himself, as a grown-ass man.
I had an abcessed molar pulled a long time ago? The socket hurt...but a whole lot less than that tooth, with the exposed, jangling nerve in the bottom of it.
...I feel that sort of emptiness. It's like he yanked my love out roots and all, by showing me how petty and ugly he was capable of being.
He has so much greatness to him? But in the end, he feeds his meanness, his cowardice.
He lets the nasty, greedy, terrified, infantile, pinch-hearted little man inside destroy the grand hero he has the potential to be, who I thought he was.
What has been seen cannot be unseen. He's shown me who he really is, and we are fully capable of understanding that now.
To be with him? We'd have to give up our own true, bold path. No.
I doubt he can get me back. Maybe with a lot of hard work on himself? But I doubt it.
He was given trust, and he blew it. We're afraid of him now.
He's done it many times before, so it's not like this is the first time, right? It hurt me every time? So I said so and said I was angry.
...His response was to unleash a huge torrent of abuse and to secure a massive overdose of drugs when I tried to withdraw from that.
I will admit I (we) have gotten busy and distracted. He felt neglected; rightfully so. But he didn't bother to bluntly tell us that, punch through my distraction. Nor did he just get normally angry. Nor would he allow us to apologize and fix it. He had to keep snarling at us.
All the stereotypical bullshit that I recognize well as emotional abuse tactics because I've had years of therapy.
...He may be dead, but it's more likely he's just smashed his phone.
He's smashed our love. Morrigan is our new protector in here? She will not allow his bullshit to hurt the children any more.
He can work on controlling it, therefore he is required to work on it in order to have us around. It is not ok to keep hurting us terribly with it because he is afraid of therapy.
And it seems he won't stop taking it out on us, expecting us to handle what he could have and should have dealt with himself, as a grown-ass man.
I had an abcessed molar pulled a long time ago? The socket hurt...but a whole lot less than that tooth, with the exposed, jangling nerve in the bottom of it.
...I feel that sort of emptiness. It's like he yanked my love out roots and all, by showing me how petty and ugly he was capable of being.
He has so much greatness to him? But in the end, he feeds his meanness, his cowardice.
He lets the nasty, greedy, terrified, infantile, pinch-hearted little man inside destroy the grand hero he has the potential to be, who I thought he was.
What has been seen cannot be unseen. He's shown me who he really is, and we are fully capable of understanding that now.
To be with him? We'd have to give up our own true, bold path. No.
I doubt he can get me back. Maybe with a lot of hard work on himself? But I doubt it.
He was given trust, and he blew it. We're afraid of him now.
-
I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
-
First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
Keep purging, blue. This is not good stuff to repress. Gentle support while you sort.
By the way, you expressed yourself very beautifully here. And you are a beautiful being. I think Crazypants recognizes that - but you need someone who will cherish and reward you for that, not punish and try to drive you away. This is why they say that sometimes love is not enough ...
Big, comforting hugs to you. You are so good. I would take all your child selves in my arms and comfort them if I could.
Much support hun
I was moved at the fact that even in this moment you still could see the grand hero he has the potential to be, as you put it. It's a shame for him, too.
Time for self care, it seems. Keep coming back to process this through.
@ Freedom: friend, then long distance love, then fiance. Now? Might be a distant friend if not dead or furious, but no more is on tap for him. He blew it.