Hackneyed as it is... "United we stand, divided we fall"... ? Honestly, my only resonance is to ask what you want to be independent *of*/from. I've had to figure that one out and am still sorting out the mixed-up Lego bricks of my me-ness. Do I want to be independent, or do I want to be alone?.... Yeah. That one... still stuck in my teeth in my personal "chews". Alone = safer but independent =.......?

Being independent has it's flaws. I can choose with in limits.financial/physical, what I want to do...but it's no fun with one. So though I want, I choose not.

Independence beat co-dependence for me every time. This book helped me.
Codependent No More Paperback by Melody Beattie (Author) 4.6 out of 5 stars 2,112 customer reviews Amazon.com

These statements are very profound. I can only guess that all humans want to be accepted for who they are and feel calmness even in the mist of the storm. In my individuality of thought, it sustained me, but hindered my growth. In the first step outside of my mirrored cubicle box, the air smelt of fear unrecognized and threatening. Glazing back, I realized my box was mirrored safety and partitioned self imagery that like a guard stood watch over me. But is that Really enough of an existence and do I hunger for more? Like a well, the depth of my soul holds many sorrows, secret memories, and I long to crawl out of the depths of this dwelling and breath air. I realize that the environment, other people, and myself are like linked puzzle pieces that make a broader picture. I must pick up the first puzzle piece and connect...Joining this group was the first piece.

Many years ago, 1995, shortly after my Mother's death I joined an alanon group. I didn't understand why one woman said, I love to hear you speak, it shows me how I've grown and I'm so grateful. To this day, and during the day I spent with my friend, despite her not being there, in spirt I read two pages Iwas given from her in my Alanon Courage to Change book...both pages are about honesty with self, others avoiding blame and allowing ourselves to end giving my control to others, by blaming and allowing them to have power over my feelings.

This passage resonated with me: "We need to be truthful with ourselves as we continue to review our attitudes and actions each day. This allows us to be humble enough to reach out to others as equals, and to continue to grow in every area of our lives." Fear guards my mouth and my behaviors with others...I lack acceptance of myself, therefore I don't trust people. I Thank God and the many years of therapy I no longer in that place, however self protection continue today. I do have new ways to communicate and to behave so I'm more authentic and open to what people in my life, my beloved friends, say in my interests...

however I continue to lack trust, and still look behind the meaning of 'kindness" and ask why/what is this person expecting me to do in return...my wall goes used to go up when people with kind intentions want to help me. I feel weak, and undeserving which I continue to work on...not thinking I have to be to do everything myself...I've learned how to create healthy boundaries, rather than the codependent 'give until you drop' seeking out what was never given to me, by helping others.

Now I can say no, I can say "you could be right", not agreeing, yet stops arguments in the track, or I can walk away from fighting when I feel like I'm going to loose "the it" of my feelings or behavior. I just want to live my life in peace, calm and work to do activities like prayer, meditation, gardening, the water to seek that inner peace along with my DBT and exposing my weakness and asking for help...I get that now, through feeling accepted, mainly I Accept Myself and the strength to open myself by living with love and not fear to guide my actions.

I just spent 20 minutes discussing the pros and cons of different hairstyles with my 17 year old son. I'm more than glad to wash my hands on the subject and give him 100% independence.

I find that I isolate way too much now and I don't really know how to get out of it.... It's where I'm comfortable so I don't want to be around too many people however I can really understand the therapeutic draw of a group and how helpful it can be..... The best therapy I've ever been in was group therapy..... It was so very helpful... It was easy to see what was wrong with everyone else ya know...smile...and eventually see yourself through what was going on with others... Very enlightening
I've never been in any type of trauma therapy though
I would really have to push myself to get out of this rut and I don't know that I have it in me

I like to be around people as it makes me happier. They have to be nice people like my friends. Others can trigger me. I think in my relationship with my husband I was co dependent and it did not work out well. Still trying to figure that journey out.
I am starting group therapy in 2 weeks so I will see what that is like. I have done Alanon, but that isn't group therapy. I did find it helpful though