So sorry to hear this Zoe. I would be shaking too. I fear until now that somebody breaks into home and hurts me, so I use all the securities I have. I wish you had another person who could give you at least some minutes of some help and not just the therapist. It is unbelievable how police and the whole system don't help to the rape victims and make it easier to perpetrators. *Gentle Hugs*

I hear about people checking into the hospital when they are at risk of hurting themselves and I believe you should check into a hospital because you are hurting yourself. Even if you are not overtly suicidal please say that you are and get the help that you need.

As for the police, I feel like there must be some FBI task force for tracking people like your dad. This situation is too big for the local cops to comprehend.

At this point, chit-chat with a therapist does nothing. Most of what I could write would also achieve nothing.

What you need is a lawyer and a hospital. Nothing is right here.

:( I'm with the ones who said lawyer and hospital!! Wish I could give you a big hug. Praying for you.

Hopsital, now. Civil rights attorney, soon thereafter. You have no reason to be *dis*believed other than the fact he wore a mask, and if it is *not* him, then for God's sake, rule him out.... if they think it's not him, are they even doing that?

Prayers.

Ditto I agree whole heartedly with donnawanda

All of the above as well^ I think definitely go to hospital. I'm so sorry for everything.
Prayers continued

You have been through a horrific experience. Getting help is a good idea. Don't drink cleaning chemicals!

My psychiatrist is out of the office for two weeks with no plans for patients in crisis. My therapist is wanting to sever our relationship. I went to the hospital and sat there for seven hours....I went home, being there was triggering and causing even more problems. I feel abandoned and unwanted and not worthy of anybodies care. No call center here.

I'm so sorry. This is incredible. Please try the hotline at RAINN.org. They are a wonderful organization and can connect you with local resources. They will be compassionate and respectful.

Zoe, don't give up. You are already in the process of killing yourself but your rational Self knows your life, YOU are worthwhile. (Btw, do you live in England? I used to belong here and suffered amnesia. Little things are stirring my brain. Just wondering if that piece is correct. Anyway...) I don't know how things work where you live exactly but here in my neck of the US...
1] If you self harm, you need to seek out a therapist with extra training in trauma recovery, PTSD, or personality disorders (whether you are diagnosed as such or not). A psychoanalyst can be especially helpful if you have issues relating to your childhood and some will see you for free. Other therapists lack the skills to adequately help you and their desire to withdraw because they feel incompetent is damaging to clients who more than anything need to feel they can trust someone to be a stable part of their life.
2] A hospital is required to accommodate disabilities and they are required to prevent harm. You state the reason for coming upon arrival and are triaged within 30 minutes. If at risk of self-harm, your ability to leave is removed. Almost all of your belongings are locked up, You are given hospital scrubs to change into and your clothes and shoes are locked up with your other stuff. If you gave a diagnosis of PTSD or migraines or Autism, an ER an be full of triggers. You have a right to state your diagnoses, your needs, a your request for accommodations. For me in the past for reasons relating to all of those, accommodations have included special seating in a different waiting area, extra blankets to "cacoon" myself, seating with security, a short walk with a tech to a quieter area, relaxation music and headphones borrowed from the Occupational Therapy Department etc.
3] You will typically be seen more quickly and will more likely be admitted if you arrive by ambulance, admit to self-harm, and express you feel unable to remain safe if you leave.