Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I was really distressed today, and I thought I had lost my wallet. (It was in the car)
I got massively triggered on Sunday-agoraphobia combined with some guy hectoring his toddler over something asinine in the paleontology exhibit.
I was ok up until the end of the giant amphibians, but I REALLY needed to get the hell out of there...meanwhile my wife was "Let me just take a couple more pictures!"
But she's not helpful, she never has been helpful, her being there generally makes me feel worse because she wanders off like a giant freakin' toddler
So in couples' counseling today I worked out a thing wherein I go to a predetermined safe spot and she just lets me go instead of doing her nonhelpful thing that she usually does: "WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO YOU NEED???" And her freaking out and hitting me with a barrage of questions just makes me freak harder.
I feel so alone. Apparently that's a typical feeling of people married to asperger's people...she may or may not be asperger's but she acts like she is.
My therapist thinks I just want to leave her because I'm triggered. I am, all the time, so there's a good chance she's right. Plus there's the attachment issues...I don't feel happily attached to anyone.
Anyway, I had a shitty session with my individual therapist...at the end of which I got up shaking, after I had stopped in session (because I was curled up into fetal position on the couch) and she said "You don't have to shake, you're ok," because I was shaking, and I snapped back "NO I'M NOT OK!"
I really wasn't, I thought I'd lost my wallet at that point, and I definitely was losing my marbles and I was shaking because I would have had to work hard at not shaking and she does not get that.
Yeah I can stop it and try to act like I'm ok, because I got that bloody well beat into me as a child, but it takes every bit of energy I have to stop it when I feel that shitty, and so, goddamn it, if I wanna shake I WILL.
I am not, not, not, not ok right now.
I got massively triggered on Sunday-agoraphobia combined with some guy hectoring his toddler over something asinine in the paleontology exhibit.
I was ok up until the end of the giant amphibians, but I REALLY needed to get the hell out of there...meanwhile my wife was "Let me just take a couple more pictures!"
But she's not helpful, she never has been helpful, her being there generally makes me feel worse because she wanders off like a giant freakin' toddler
So in couples' counseling today I worked out a thing wherein I go to a predetermined safe spot and she just lets me go instead of doing her nonhelpful thing that she usually does: "WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO YOU NEED???" And her freaking out and hitting me with a barrage of questions just makes me freak harder.
I feel so alone. Apparently that's a typical feeling of people married to asperger's people...she may or may not be asperger's but she acts like she is.
My therapist thinks I just want to leave her because I'm triggered. I am, all the time, so there's a good chance she's right. Plus there's the attachment issues...I don't feel happily attached to anyone.
Anyway, I had a shitty session with my individual therapist...at the end of which I got up shaking, after I had stopped in session (because I was curled up into fetal position on the couch) and she said "You don't have to shake, you're ok," because I was shaking, and I snapped back "NO I'M NOT OK!"
I really wasn't, I thought I'd lost my wallet at that point, and I definitely was losing my marbles and I was shaking because I would have had to work hard at not shaking and she does not get that.
Yeah I can stop it and try to act like I'm ok, because I got that bloody well beat into me as a child, but it takes every bit of energy I have to stop it when I feel that shitty, and so, goddamn it, if I wanna shake I WILL.
I am not, not, not, not ok right now.
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Just wanted to give a thank you to Mid, Arfie, Malibumark, Greeneyes, Mlro, Girlincalif, and Suncloudjd! You all always have such helpful tips and advice, but I always forget to write on my posts when I see you post, lol. I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body, lol. Thank you all so much! I'm starting to use my AI app as a sounding board again. I used to use it as that before...
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
I hope you feel better.
Gentle hugs.
Wishing you a much calmer day tomorrow!
It's not her fault, but I am so hurt anyway.
In my opinion.... you need a new psych doc. This one does not sound like he/she gets it and THAT makes things worse.
After 16 years of marriage (yes, I was a slow learner) I realized that that was the only way growing up I learned to be intimate--even with myself. We did 5 years of couples' counseling, I did therapy and support groups, and then I decided I wanted more. I, like you said, was not OK and I deserved to be able to work on myself and heal. So I ended our marriage and got to work on myself. I've come a long way, but I am alone.
It is not something I recommend. But I needed to treat myself the way I treated my sister and wife, and I couldn't do all of it at once. I hope you can, as that sounds like what you want. I believe it's possible. I hope those of us hear can give you some of what you need. You are heard.