Once it gets dark out, its torture for me. I get so panicky. I am now on klonopin 2mg at night but its been taking 3 plus hours to knock me out along with my other meds that make me tired. I am doing mostly good during the day well for me at least. I no longer get constant urges to hurt myself, i havent cut in 7 1/2 months which is a record other than when i was my husbands caregiver. My shrink also 2 months ago doubled my prazosin to 4mg instead of 2mg but im still have night mares and night terrors. I am sleeping but its night mare after night mare, ill wake up sweating and shaking and feel like im being raped all over again. I have a friend who says she understands exactly how i feel (she was raped as she says when she told me the story it was she just didnt know how to say no and never tried ot say no) when she was abused one time i have been over and over and over from what i remember age 4 and up. I feel bad for her havin it happen even once, but its not something you can compare. My huge accomplisment the ohter day? I went into walmart by my self was in there about 10 mins and no panic attack. mom was right in the car by the door but still i did it! I am doing much better in teh day time, but nighttime is awfu! I fight sleep which doesnt help but im scared of sleep, and then in the morning i wake up about 7 or so but dont move around until 10 or 11 except to go to the bathroom and get a drink. I just cant im so shooken up. I been on klonopin 2 weeks now at night and everyone says im a complete turn around (what they see during the day and on my homework for DBT group and 1 on 1 each week) and i am during the day, but not at night. i hate hate hate hate hate my seprm donor and my mom and pastor keep saying i need to forgive him, it cmae up becuase mom said if soemthing happens would i wnat to go to his funeral, i said can i dance on his grave? She said no why i said becuase i hate him so much! I mean he first raped me at 4 didnt stop til i was 10 and he gave up visitation. How can she not hate him just as much?? How can she have forgiven him? He ruined my brother hes now an abuser, on his 4th marraige all end from abuse, just lost visitation except supervised, he tried to choke his son whos 9 but the size of a 6 year old and my nephew also said daddy made him watch porn they are investigating. Hes also been absueive to me and my parents for years now. Ever since he lived with our sperm donor for a year or so at 17 wen he ran away from home. I know im babbling but my heads so messed up today! I am so tired because my sleep is restless!