Welcome!

I assure you,here is a safe place to share with others who can relate to your struggles,here you will find empathy and compassion.

This is a place of healing.

So sorry you are struggling,but glad you found us.

Hello 4my. Welcome to DS.

Your therapist might, indeed, be right. My very first steady therapist (1974) called himself, "A high dollar reference book which never leaves the library. The goal is to get me back on the shelf as quickly as possible." He got me into group therapy and peer support groups from the git go.

Fast forward half a century and I still swear by peer support network with far more commitment than I swear by the pros. It helps to know I'm not alone and to share the experience of others who actually use the new tools instead of just looking for career advancement.

Welcome! Yes, this group is a blessing for me, so I hoep you find some healing here.

Welcome to the board.... there are wonderful and knowledgeable people here who are a great support.... Big hug.....xo

Welcome, 4myhealth. Glad you found us. Dissociating is my most severe ptsd symptom from growing up for 6 years in a war zone as a missionary kid abroad. I struggle to work as a teacher through those moments in class up in front of students when dissociating hits and I lose my concentration. I've learned to fake my way through it in public better than I could in private.

In my private life, being an inattentive partner in marriage led to two divorces for me. There was none of the usual arguing or infidelity, just frustrated partners who could not pair up intimately with a spouse who wasn't all there for them as they expected. It was really heartbreaking. I'm so grateful that people here understand that it wasn't a lack of interest that led to my inattention, it was that I dissociate off and on all day every day because I have rather severe PTSD since childhood.

People here understand, so I'm really looking forward to your future with us here.

Thank you so much for such a generous and honest welcoming!
I'm pretty much new to everything PTSD, agoraphobia, anxiety, depression, even talking about it, I just used to keep everything inside and HANDLE IT, whatever that meant, I was always fine, STRONG, everyone depended on me, I guess until it was just one too many traumas. And then they ALL came out, unburied. So here I am. Just trying to understand any of it, Trying to understand myself and why I'm even thinking or acting the way I am. I guess it's not making a lot of sense to me yet.
Hoping I will be able to be as open and aware as you all seem to be.

What I call, among many other names, "The Busted Dam Effect" has been a recurring theme on my own recovery road. "The Dam" being all the guard measures I have implemented to HANDLE IT, STAY STRONG, etc. The meanest lies in the world are the ones I tell myself.

The busting of that dam typically begins with one, little leak. When the dam breaks, the gushing begins at extreme intensities. I just grab a tree and hang on as best I can. The flood waters and detritus are moving too fast for analysis. Survive first, analyze later.

Speculating from there, the fact that you are reaching out here makes me wonder if your proverbial flood waters have passed and your awareness has already grown considerable. Just wondering. . . It remains yours to sort.

Gentle support while you sort.

Arfie,
I guess what I mean is I've always tried to figure out my own actions (and everyone else's that affected me) out. And for the most part, I was successful. Until this whole PTSD THING.
Now my emotions just seem to run my whole life and my sensibilities don't seem to have a say in the matter. The smallest thing gives me a panic attack, I'm afraid to leave the house where the latest trauma occurred, I cry constantly and I am ever vigilant for the next bad thing to happen.
I just think if I could figure things out again, maybe I can regain some control.
I really just started therapy, with a good therapist, so nobody has really told me yet why I'm acting like this.
I'm just so DIFFERENT than my normal self. I never used to even cry in public.