Welcome to the board Thor..... This is a really good and supportive board..... Sometimes the weekends are quiet though..

Big hug....xo

Welcome to the group Thor :)

Welcome. Hope you find this encouraging.

Welcome to the group, Thor. You're not the only member here at DS PTSD with a dual diagnosis. There are other members here with a PTSD and bipolar diagnosis, and other combinations, too. I'll leave it to them to identify themselves as they see fit.

As for me, I was originally misdiagnosed as bipolar, since the symptoms of bipolar disorder and PTSD can often overlap. However, after compliant treatment with lithium and other bipolar meds were ineffective, my diagnosis was changed to PTSD. It was just that it was the "complex" variety, of PTSD, so called because it took place during my brain development as a child growing up in a very active war zone for 6 years abroad as a missionary kid.

I ended up identified as having combat trauma, domestic violence trauma (my parents lost it in the home during the war), and sexual assault trauma (a military pedophile preyed on 5 of us from my elementary school abroad). Nonetheless, I had a career in Latin American Studies first, during which I published a book about the war I survived, and a second career counseling ER trauma patients in Chicago as a professional hospital chaplain. I now teach nursing students from that.

I'm here every day, though, because I need support as much as I give it. I learned in my re-diagnosis from bipolar disorder to PTSD that while a variety of meds I tried for bipolar disorder existed, such direct medications for PTSD are yet to be developed. I got kidney damage from trying Seroquel for PTSD, but I still can take Prazosin for nightmares since it's processed through the liver and not the kidneys.

That's it for meds, though, as I stay away from tranquilizers because they're kidney processed. That leaves my psychiatrist, appointments with whom I never miss (I flew back from Mexico to keep one this summer) and support (I don't think I've missed a day here since coming in 2012).

So far it's worked. It sounds like you really know yourself and how bipolar and PTSD interact for you (as in what you said about mania) so this here might really work for you, too. Glad to have you aboard!

Welcome aboard this DS lifeboat Thor. Many here have multiple other mental health issues. Great as the manic wave feels, call your Bdoc as soon as it starts, or you will crash very painfully, but you already know that. Please feel free to question away. It is one of the ways we support each other. When I first came to DS, I read a whole lot of posts and replies. Many replies included tools that I could add to my toolbox. Welcoming hugs.

Thanks for everything. What does it mean to be cured or stable PTSD. I am not there on bipolar much and the PDoc is changing the mix. I wonder what it means to be stable with my bipolar. Things change all the time and I act erratically

I was diagnosed originally with just depression and the drugs the doc gave me just made me worse and worse. It wasn't until I showed up at the appt in full mania... After that and long hospitalization, it was getting better. But I am still so screwed up that I don't know what to do.

Can only answer for myself. I don't use the word cure; I do think it is about getting stabilized. Do I still deal with the startle reflex? Yes. Will surprise noises put me on high alert? Yes. Do I still deal with anxiety and depression? Yes Do I still have sleep problems? Yes. The difference today is that I have a toolbox that let's me get past these events. They become short lived versus taking over my life. Calming techniques let the adrenalin drain off. Gratitude is often a helpful daily tool. It helps to look at baby steps. Did I spend more time today stable? Did I change tools when the standbys didn't work? You will slowly take control. We will be here to share your journey. Calming, hope filled, and comforting hugs.

Hello, my military BROTHER. I am talking to you about suicidal PTSD ... among other things. I am not a medical person, but 100% VA disabled for combat related PTSD. I am a Viet Nam veteran and have 'overcome' my PTSD. I do not suffer the complications of Bipolar.

While you may ... in some way .... think suicide is the solution ... (wait for it), you also know it is not. Therein lies the battle. You CERTAINLY know what a battle is, ... I am sure. You are a warrior, and warriors WIN battles. Seriously.

Try this on. I don't want you to harm yourself. Neither does anyone on DS. Neither does your WIFE. Neither does YOUR COUNTRY. Neither do your military BROTHERS and SISTERS. There is no one alive who does. It is simply NO OPTION .... and I would like for you to DECIDE that. You can make DECISIONS.

I am thinking of all the guys who paid a bigger price than I did ... MUCH bigger, and indeed ended up with severe PTSD .... and overcame it. SO CAN YOU. There is a lot of help now, .. and the VA has improved immensely (thank you Donald Trump). On top of that, you have a good head on your shoulders and that counts for a lot of potential recovery.

I can't say for certain, but I suspect your greatest problem is Bipolar which is treatable. Get that 'treated' and you have one a huge battle right there. PTSD is treatable too. MANY have 'overcome' it. MANY.

Not sure what else to say. DO NOT HARM YOURSELF ... no matter what. EVERYTHING else has its own solution. Make the decision to WIN this ... because it is winnable. Death is at best, .... permanent. Here is another truth ... I will NEVER forget you and want you to have the life you deserve. Please don't make me remember you as dead.

The VA is difficult to navigate, but it is your BEST source of treatment for both PTSD and Bipolar. If you need any tips on that, message me. Let us BOTH win over this.

Learning that I had chronic and not curable PTSD was the hardest point in my recovery, Thor. It was hard for me to stay motivated to work hard on a recovery that didn't offer me a total reward.

Then I learned that there was such a thing as PTS wisdom, too. That all people in life eventually will face the trauma of death, if only their own, because we're all mortal. It's just that some of us faced mortality earlier and more dramatically traumatically than others. Like for me when my family car was bombed abroad when I was 9 years old. Blue gasoline flames engulfing your car gets your attention as a wake up call.

Awareness of death makes us struggle with the idea of control, which brings us to suicide. For me, simply because somebody tried to kill me when I was so young, I do not judge suicide, and I was a pall bearer for my best friend's suicide funeral. It's just that I have a spiteful attitude toward my own suicide. It's because I'm forever ticked and won't finish the job for that clown who threw that bomb seeing clearly when we locked eyes beforehand that there was kid in the car before he heaved his bomb right at me anyway. It's not the rosiest reason for staying alive, I know, but it's real and I'm still here, so I guess it's worked for me somehow.

I do understand folks who get tired of the incurable and need a break. I've been there 3 times. Instead of wanting to end it all, though, I realized what I wanted to end was my PTSD exhaustion. I've been into the hospital for a few days 3 times after literally collapsing because I just couldn't go on. The last time was only last summer in 2018 when I collapsed in front of a class full of students I was teaching. An ambulance took me to the hospital. It was there for my usual stay: 4 days.

I don't recommend collapsing, but it beats dying. It's what happens to me when I get to the same edge. I don't collapse because of an overdose or anything. I just run out of gas to cope with this ongoing chronic PTSD of mine every few years.

The time before 2018 was in 2011 (I collapsed at my boss's house that time, really embarrassing). Before that it was in 2000, before that in 1985, before that my first time was in 1973.

My psychiatrist and I work on me learning to pace myself better to prevent or at least delay collapsing. Bu this PTSD has its own variations that are hard to be attuned to. It's not just incurable, it's also not constant.

Being here and swapping tips on how others are coping gives me tools for my maintenance. Just yesterday a member here posted about how to cope with lock jaw from grinding my teeth at night from PTSD. I broke a molar from grinding my teeth really hard from PTSD nightmares one night this month. So getting those tips from another member on DS PTSD was timely for me.

I want to echo what Wandering Vet said above about the VA. For the first decade of my treatment for PTSD, I avoided the VA because I'm a civilian veteran of 6 years of war, I never carried a weapon. I didn't think I was worthy of help from veterans who'd been soldiers.

I happened to find the right PTSD doc for me, though, and it was a VA doc who agreed to treat my combat PTSD anyway. In addition to being a VA doc by days weekdays he went to my church. He met patients in private practice at his house nights after his day job at the VA.

He welcomed me into the veteran community despite being a civilian combat vet, saying my 6 year combat record counted whether I carried a weapon from age 9-15 or not. I will forever thank him for that. As hard as the VA is to navigate, as Wandering Vet says, I lucked into help I never imagined was possible. I put that VA doc in my will so he'll get all my stuff when I croak from a natural death he will have made possible because for that possibility he's more than family to me now.

We're with you, Thor ,you're not alone. Glad you're here.

Thor, felt you got two different messages in the last two replies. Muji, and myself, experienced severe traumas at very young ages while the brain was still developing. It made permanent changes in us for life. Wandering Vet is likely referring to the traumas when the adult brain has formed, which is where the hope for a cure exists.. I have tracked the VA first seeing PTSD, and then when the movie "Platoon" came out, and they were flooded with those who seemed OK when they returned from Nam, who 20 years later had full blown PTSD, they stepped things up. Took a while to figure out TBI, and even longer to figure out that there were degrees, not an all or nothing. I also support you going to the VA as their programs have vastly improved. My earlier reply referred to, with total recall, my having an initial trauma in the pre-verbal stage at 6 m/o. Please listen to Wandering Vet. He knows his stuff. We are all here to support you on your journey. Calming and comforting hugs.

Thinking of you again today, Thor.

So a few questions - do I have to go through the VA for my bipolar and PTSD treatments? Got a PDoc and TDoc out in town that are pretty good and the VA Hospital in Tampa Bay is something out of a bad 50's movie. Do I need to goto the VA for care? Or can I give copies of my medical records?

So I read that like Bipolar, you can be stabilized but lifelong care along with medication is the standard.

On suicide from Wandervet, also thank you to all that replied, I have nothing to hold me here - no friends, no peers, no coworkers that I can call on when in trouble. No religion that I can hold to. Parents are far away and distant, my wife would be far better off with me dead as she will get $4M if I go. It often seems like a convenient solution. I think about it daily. I am here but I might still die over there.

Thor, does your wife agree? I think she deserves, at the least, to know your thoughts on this. Do check if the VA has groups focused on the vets of the different wars. BP: there will be times that the meds need adjusting or to be changed. PTSD is a journey. Wandering Vet has given you hope. Use this support group often. Over time, you will have friends here. Comforting hugs.

I would say she does, but think she is lying. When she gets angry she takes it out on me as "are you off your meds?", "This is because of your disease!" My reply is "I am sorry for my existence". She has yet to hear.

Feeling better today.

We're glad that you're here Thor..... It seems like you're righting from a point of depression

Depression lies to us Thor.... It's a place of illness … If you look up signs and symptoms of depression you can see that it is illness.... I'll get a link.....

https://psychcentral.com/lib/types-and-symptoms-of-depression/

Big hug....xo