Overload, particularly too many people at once.
People, generally.
Verbal abuse at me or around me.

When triggered I can go from anywhere to mildly freaked to either full panic or full space out.

Currently on a pill salad, SSRI's are probably worth a shot...

Ask for a trauma specialist.

Whoa, lotta questions at once. Hi, IGotThis! Nice ot meet you.

I am agoraphobic. I trigger off public places, enclosed places, and large groups of people too near me, also off a variety of small things that are specific to me and my situation. I trigger hugely from witnessing verbal abuse to children. I have nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, shakes, depression, I catastrophize, I'm pretty much a textbook.

I can be either somewhat anxious or partially dissociate, and can suffer ER-wrothy panic attacks. THat's *with* meds, including an SSRI. (Yep, another medication cocktail here, alas.)

Finding a specialist is tricky. You might try a local veterans group or hospital, for recommendations. Even if you are not former military, they often know people who specialize in anxiety disorders like PTSD.

Luck and blessing.

I think I would need to write a separate book for every one of those questions, IGot. I am 100% sure I am not feeling that ambitious today. Those are BIG questions with qualifiers and exceptions out the yin yang in this psycho woman's healing journey. I prefer to deal with them one at a time, as they arise... They seem more manageable that way. Just me?

For sure, you are not alone and if you keep hanging out, you will hear lots of answers for all those questions, as we go.

Small steps, IGot. Healing is a journey.

Hey and hello

yeah, I would have to write a book to properly cover those questions too... so let's just start with some gentle hugs

Symptoms: Emotional flashbacks (strong negative emotional reactions to things happening in the NOW that I, subconsciously, associate with extreme fear, pain, anxiety... from the PAST), refusal to eat (I'm a little under weight but try to keep to some kindof schedule of care), extreme difficulty falling asleep (have to be exhausted before I will lie down, hyper-activity (keeping myself super busy helps avoid thinking), claustrophobia...

TRIGGERS: Certain words or actions I associate with my trauma, for example the word "session", enclosed spaces, aggressive authority figures, inattentive or aggressive care based situations (especially if person caring for children), aggressive co-workers... I've only known about the PTSD for about 8 weeks now... so that list is growing as I start to recognize my inappropriate responses/feelings towards CURRENT events, for example, a new one I've just found is drawn blinds/louvres...

When triggered I ~ Typically I freeze (because I've tripped out) then at the first opportunity I get I FLEE as far and as fast as I can... If I can't flee I withdraw... until I can flee, lol... I've left amazing, highly paid jobs, move house approx every six months, avoid people as much as possible... With the lowered louvres I feel irritated and an over-riding compulsion to get them out of the way. I ride a motorbike despite the claustrophobia but the minute I get off my bike I have to rip my helmet off... No-one is allowed to touch me and the one time I dragged myself to a dentist... I bit them when I panicked : (

No medication ~ I will not go anywhere near a doctor voluntarily, lol

My counsellor doesn't specialise in PTSD. She's aware in general of it but mostly sits there pulling sad faces, cringes when I blurt out bad stuff, and almost had a panic attack herself when I actually had a cry in her office one time. She is a very nice person but she may not BE the best person to help me, argh... My extreme distrust of people means it is going to be very hard to FIND someone I feel comfortable with who also has the skills to help me navigate my healing journey

(I'll post you a general list of PTSD impairments I've compiled that you might find useful & the Flashback Management Tips that are helping me)

I suffer from flashbacks like most of you. But I also suffer from something else I'm not seeing anyone describe, perhaps I'm the only one experiencing it, or maybe there's not a name for it? I'm not really sure how to explain what happens. The best way to describe it is normal motherhood worry. Times a million. Not only am I worried about the cancer returning, I'm now worried about everything else that could go wrong. It's as if my eyes have been opened to how cruel life truly can be and now my mind is playing out bizarre and extreme circumstances. I am not asleep during these moments, but the visualizations play out as if I'm sleeping. When it happens, I can't get my mind away from it. I panic and then fight the anxiety attacks. These things happen at night when I'm trying to fall asleep, which makes sense because it's the only time of the day when I have time to go to those dark places because I'm not distracted by a million different things. An example, so you have an idea what I'm experiencing in case I'm not describing it well, is this; last night I was laying in bed and for some reason thought of a video I had seen a while ago where a man was in a pit of snakes. Cobras, to be specific. I immediately tuned out the world and went I to the awake-like sleep where my son was coming up the stairs to get me when suddenly a cobra blocked his path. My son being a toddler and not knowing any better continued to move toward the cobra even as I yelled to stay away. I couldn't get to him. I couldn't move. I could do nothing to stop this cobra from striking my son repeatedly. Perhaps the cobra here represents the cancer. Perhaps the piano that fell through the roof the other night represented the cancer, as well as the random woman beating him or the tractor that was chasing him. Again, I'm fully awake during these... I don't even know what to call them. I try to think of something else, I pull out a book and read, I get up and redo my bed time routine. Sigh...

Hi IGotThis HUGS!

I'll post Pete Walker's Flashback Mgmt Tips in below tweaked for what you've described a bit... Extreme anxiety, unwanted catastrophic thinking, is unfortunately very common... and yes it often does pick when you are trying to fall asleep to leap on you... arghhh! I hate trying to go to sleep... the room spins, my mind unleashes and many nights I get back up and distract myself...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pete Walker's "Flashback Management Tips" (abridged)

...Fear launches us into 'heady' worrying, or numbing and spacing out.

[a] Gently ask your body to Relax: feel each of your major muscle groups and softly encourage them to relax. (Tightened musculature sends unnecessary danger signals to the brain)

[b] Breathe deeply and slowly. (Holding the breath also signals danger).

[c] Slow down: rushing presses the psyche's panic button.

[d] Find a safe place to unwind and soothe yourself: wrap yourself in a blanket, hold a stuffed animal, lie down in a closet or a bath, take a nap.

[e] Feel the fear in your body without reacting to it. Fear is just an energy in your body that cannot hurt you if you do not run from it or react self-destructively to it.

Step 7. Resist the Inner Critic's Drasticizing and Catastrophizing: [a] Use thought-stopping to halt its endless exaggeration of danger and constant planning to control the uncontrollable. Refuse to shame, hate or abandon yourself. Channel the anger of self-attack into saying NO to unfair self-criticism.

[b] Use thought-substitution to replace negative thinking with a memorized list of your qualities and accomplishments

Step 8. Allow yourself to grieve. Flashbacks are opportunities to release old, unexpressed feelings of fear, hurt, and abandonment, and to validate - and then soothe - the child's past experience of helplessness and hopelessness. Healthy grieving can turn our tears into self-compassion and our anger into self-protection.

Step 9. Cultivate safe relationships and seek support. Take time alone when you need it, but don't let FEAR (my substitution) isolate you... Educate your intimates about flashbacks and ask them to help you talk and feel your way through them.

Step 10. Learn to identify the types of triggers that lead to flashbacks. Avoid unsafe people, places, activities and triggering mental processes. Practice preventive maintenance with these steps when triggering situations are unavoidable.

Step 11. Figure out what you are flashing back to. Flashbacks are opportunities to discover, validate and heal our wounds from past abuse and abandonment. They also point to our still unmet developmental needs and can provide motivation to get them met.

12. Be patient with a slow recovery process: it takes time in the present to become un-adrenalized, and considerable time in the future to gradually decrease the intensity, duration and frequency of flashbacks. Real recovery is a gradually progressive process [often two steps forward, one step back], not an attained salvation fantasy. Don't beat yourself up for having a flashback.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I tweaked them a little by leaving off the first five steps to focus in on the bit you are describing and abridged Step 9... hope this helps you and answers some of your questions! : )

I suffered some pretty serious amnesia as a result of my own complex trauma. I had experiences like this which I now associate with the memory blocks coming down. I fought hard to keep those memory blocks in place. I was pretty convinced the forgettance was a good thing. The harder I fought to keep the memory blocks in place, the weirder and more consuming this little weirdity got. My own got so bad that it was risky let myself get sleepy in public. Jet lag was a serious bear for me... My two favorite name for them is, "hypnagogic hallucinations."

It is hard to know if it is the same, or not. As you already noted, it is a tough phenom to describe.

Wow, Cab! Thanks! I got a little emotional reading the beginning of that as it is me...

When I was a member of this group three years ago, I remember reading a post/comment regarding our security being a basic need. It then went into detail about what happens when we are stripped of our security and why it happens. I so wish I could go back and find that, but I had to make a different account last week because I couldn't remember my old information. Such a bummer. I had some contacts who I really related to. But, arfie, you're the only name I remember :/

yup, I do that!!! The only thing is that I don't just do it about cancer, but what ever is going on with my life. Two nights ago it was if my daughter would get back with the SUV in time for hubby to get to work. I got so worked up about it I was vomiting blood by the time she got home.

Hypervigaliance is what hubby calls it.

-what are your symptoms?
Dissociating, flashbacks, insomnia, startle response
-what are your triggers?
Being underslept, overstimulated, verbal abuse, crowds
-what happens when you've been triggered?
gag, cough, vomit, get dizzy
-what medicines have you tried and did they help?
Seroquel helped with sleep, can't do meds now 'cos of CKD
-how do I find a therapist who specializes in this disorder?
Found mine through VA though he's in private practice

Now, how about you?

yelling triggers me thats only ne i have many hugs wwelcome