Good luck! I also always prefer female practitioners but I have also been forced to work with men. There is actually a special kind of healing that takes place when the person you associate with harm offers you healing. I hope this guy will prove skillful, respectful and compassionate.

Thank you! I hope for and seek that healing!
I have made some improvement compared to when I was 1st discharged over 11 yrs ago... and every man that looked at me, I thought was a predator or had ill intentions. Sigh. But I still have a ways to go. My wounds still hurt... and there are many things my husband can't say or do or I'll be triggered... so our marriage is a wreck at the moment. And I know it's not just me but his callous way of handling my PTSD too. But it takes 2 to make a marriage work and one of the things I have to work on is my PTSD issues. We also start marriage counseling next week by someone else. Siggghhhh. Lots to do!!

Never gave it a thought, but now that you got me thinking. . . All but one of my VA counselors have been female. Even the psychiatrist who monitored my med yaddahs. Can you tell gender is not an issue for me? I'm an equal opportunity anti-authoritarian. I don't like the authoritative women any better than I like the authoritative men. I almost envy the folks who can like one over the other. Almost. I get back to disregarding THEM, altogether before I can get to anything as well defined as envy.

Trust the healing mysteries, Blue. May they lead you to where you need to be. Keep us posted.

I agree with dw. My cpn is a male. He is the best mental health proffessional ive ever got on with and trust and i can be difficult/ challange at times. Its helped me to see not all men are bad. Good luck, il be thinking of u.

I hope all goes well for you. and he is sensitive to your situation.

blue, I totally get what you mean about a PTSD counselor's gender. I didn't think much about it when, my case, my first PTSD counselor was a woman with me as her male client. But when my PTSD therapy got in there deep years later, when I happened to change counselors because I moved to another state for a job, my next counselor was both male and VA. Suddenly it made a difference. Nothing against my previous counselor, it just was time and the change matched my need of the moment.

By the way, I have a tough ex-Marine Iraq War veteran who is a death and dying student of mine. He was in combat in that 2004-2005 period after the invasion when the I.E.D. backlash started. I was in a car bombing in South America. He stayed after class today for an hour to say he was getting a lot of healing in class. He even got tears in his eyes. I must admit I did, too. Great moment.

Good luck with getting through the initial get-to-know-you phase with this new counselor. I'll be thinking of you sending much support your way.

I had some trouble getting back into DS today, I didn't see the rest of the comments on here till now. Thank you, btw, for these comments and sharing your stories with me. Nice to know other people out there have had some similar issues :).

The man seems nice. He's definitely different than other counselors I've had *at* the VA, being a CIVILIAN referral. He doesn't believe in pushing me to talk / write about my traumas. Whew! Only that we should talk about today's problems that trigger me or bring me back to those traumas. Oh, what a relief. That previous counselor I had even though was female had a very rigid program I had to abide by of reexposing me to my traumas and constantly writing about them. OMG. The nightmares never ended. He said he doesn't agree with that type of therapy and doesn't think it can be healing. Maybe for some, but not everyone... and can cause more harm than good. Finally someone who is speaking my language.

He asked me a lot of questions just to get some basic info and background. I guess it is typical of a 1st day. Just about every question pushed a button and had me in a tizzy about something. He kept apologizing. For example, how is our marital relationship... I didn't know where to start since we're a wreck and told him my husband threatened to leave me a few weeks ago. Asked if my past bothers me a lot, Ummm constantly!!! If I have any friends or am a loner? I'd rather avoid people. Asked what have I been doing with myself with the 10 yrs of non-employment: Yeah a very long list!!! Try a 2 year dragged out short-sale, transitioned mom to the mainland (from Hawaii), moved a total of 8x in 3 years, moved from Oahu to Maui, transitioned mom *back* to Hawaii (and paid for her move), etc! I'm always tackling something major!!! I guess the 10 yrs flew right by! If I have to move one more time, I'm gonna lose it. I've been wanting to take up a few college classes like 2 years ago, but keep putting them off because there was always another move lurking and didn't know where I'd end up. This time I'm going to get plugged into a class, I'm putting my foot down.

Anyway.... I hope this counselor is the right guy and helps me deal with my problems. I'm hurt and angry with my past and tired of it feeling like it just happened or it's a sore, open wound someone just kicked. I like that he's a civilian and not a your typical rigid VA doc. I'm looking forward to trying it. He also said if there's anything he's doing I'd like to change or is making me uncomfortable just say so. What a difference! The last counselor no matter how many times I told her the pace was going too fast or the assignment was too much for me due to nightmares, she told me I had to keep pushing through if I wanted to get to the next level. Ahhhh! It wasn't college classes! I wasn't getting a degree! It was my therapy! UGHHH

Sorry back on the rant again. See? I have so many buttons. That poor man will have to deal with all of them.... sigh.

Rigid VA doc? Your VA sure is different from mine, but. . . No surprise there. I hear lots and lots of rumors that VA centers vary allot. I've only been in a few, but each of them was different.

Dealing with symptoms and memories as they arise in my current circumstances is my personal favorite approach to therapy. Excavating old graveyards feels like begging for unnecessary trouble to me. For sure, I hate retelling my trauma tales without compelling reason.

Another apology NOT accepted on the ranting, Blue. It's allowed. Great update. Thank you.

Hey, Blue, if I understand your 1st visit correctly, it sounds like your new counselor is working from triggers of the present to the trauma of the past as needed for today. If so, that's how my VA doc treated me, too. It made a big difference for making my treatment practical yielding results. Funny thing, this was a different approach for me compared to my other docs, too.

Since it was more practical, than the other approach of slogging through the past first I ended up more motivated. The result was that eventually I did open up more about my past to that guy that to any therapist ever, because I did it my way for my benefit in the present. Hope it's gonna work for you, however you guys do it.

Read your replies, love them. Spot on. Had a bad headache yesterday from sensory overload. I want to reply to each, but buried in paperwork right now for a Voc Rehab appt later today at the VA. Will get back on later :) ((((hugs))))

I always found men to be better listeners, kinder, more gentle. They don't rely so much on bookwork as they do on getting to know you with gentle guidance. They are aware of the problems they can pose. Try it you might find it interesting.