Hi all, I need you for a bit. I need to get this out and not let it sink away and become yet another fear hiding away in my mind. I have told hubby, but I did it in a way to keep him from worrying.

I posted about the trouble I had on Monday out at the horse stable. It was followed by a 14 hour on Tuesday up and being active to get the horses moved as well as all my horse stuff. I just assumed the 14 hour day was where all the pain I had on Wednesday. (As an FYI, the horses are happy and getting well taken care of at the new place. I saw them yesterday.)

So Wednesday I spent most of the day in bed, trying to just sleep through the pain. Thursday, with hubby still sick, my daughter drove me to my pain management appointment at the VA hospital. To save gas we took the sedan rather than my SUV with the heated seats. It caused my pain level to rise on the way there. I took a vicoden when we got there, then finished my iced coffee while we waited almost two hours for my apt (we were 45 minutes early - then they were running behind). Sitting in the chairs with no upper back support in the waiting room raised my pain level, as did the 30 minute apt - which actually got me what I went for!!! a doubling of my non-narcotic pain meds in hopes of getting off the opiates.

So now, after half a page, we get to the trouble.

We had to wait for my pain meds at the pharmacy in the hospital. It is more a wide spot in the hallway that is always FULL of people. I waited my turn to see the pharmacist then went back and sat with my daughter... Misha was a lifesaver as I was having issues walking and she provides me balance. I asked my daughter to find the coffee shop and get me something I could take pain killers with as it felt like my spine was being ripped out of my chest. She got lost so was about 20 minutes until she got back.

The pain kept rising while she was gone. Breathing hurt and I was trouble sitting. Twice Misha told me my pain was too high. As my daughter got back, I took both my vicoden and gabapentine, just as another person pointed out that my name was on the scrolling list of prescriptions being ready. I sent my daughter ahead to stand in the line while I caught up - it was only about 20 feet... but going from sitting doubled over in a chair to standing proved just how shallowly I had been breathing. As the world swirled and Misha slammed me into a wall so I did not fall.

I managed to get up and prove who I was to get my meds, but the world was going again. It hurt so bad to breath I had not been.

X-rays at the ER... because I did pass out cold... shows that I have cracked four ribs within an inch of my spine where the crushed vertibrea is, and two of those are also hairline fractured at my sternum. Thus why it is so painful to breath.

I was in and out of consciousness for several hours, not until I finally got enough pain meds into my system to get past not wanting to breath did I fully come to...

It had to have been when my horse spooked that I cracked my ribs. Cracked ribs are not the end of the world - they will heal in a few weeks. It does keep me off my horse until then, but I can get by. I just have to keep my pain meds at a steady level so I can breath until they heal.

but I am having issues getting over the fear of standing up only to pass out and fall to the floor... It was pain that stopped me from breathing... and I stopped long enough to pass out...

I don't want to tell my hubby that it scared me. It would scare him. I just need to chill and keep things calm and just breath...no matter how bad it hurts.

yadlim - thanks for letting me get that out!!!