Remember that you have been here before, and you have come out of this place. Even though you may not remember what it was like to feel differently, remember that you DID and have faith that you WILL. For that reason alone, please hang on through the darkness.

The only good thing about going through this stuff repeatedly is that we know we can come out the other side of it, however bad it feels in the endless moments of our pain. You are a veteran. You have been here before and come out of it. I'm glad you are on the medication again. Just keep holding on, no matter what.

I am not dismissing your rage and disbelief that your own mind should put you through this. It's just strange and terrible! But hang on and it will change. Hugs xx

The mood stabilizers should help you soon. Hang in there.
Here's some funny cats to look at. This helps me lately.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBAGEeOms-8

Well... you sure are waxing poetic about it... quite nicely, too...

Not to make light of your dark spot...

Hang in there, cj. Sounds like relief is already in progress. Deep breaths. You can do this.

A bit more humor to ease the way?
http://suzie81.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/image14.jpg

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((cjpfaz))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I don't know the health issues that preclude you from taking the meds, but you went back on them anyway??? Could it be the back and forth is preventing you from stabilizing one way or the other? Forgive me, as I don't know your situation.

Any way to research other alternatives to the meds you can no longer take?

You are very poetic indeed! Any way to write through the pain and at least get some beautiful pieces out of your Hell? It may help you to focus and ground you...?

Lots of supportive purrs and healing to you..

Sending love and hugs your way for a rainy day, hoping it will help you wake up to a perfectly sunny day. Helping you to know that a rainbow is only a breath away. K

It's great that you went on your stabilizer cj... Can you get hold of your pdoc either today or tomorrow?... I would let him/her know what's going on and how you're feeling
You will be stable again... Unless there is a severe reaction I wouldn't go off of your stabilizer again without medical supervision.. We pay too high of a price
Big hug for you ...I hope you feel well again soon...x

So sorry you had to go off your meds for health reasons. Me, too. When I was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease in 2011, I have to go off all ptsd meds asap or I'd be on dialysis. I'd been on ptsd meds since 1986, so it was scary.

I came here for my daily substitute for meds, and have been here the years since. I'm in NO WAY saying a support group takes the place of meds, no. But when I had no other choice, I made myself be just as disciplined about showing up here every day as I'd been about taking my meds every day.

So far, so good. I'm still here. I've had some panic attacks along the way, one big one when I called friends over to my house to take me to the ER. Boy, did I ever wish I could just take meds then, regardless of what it meant for my kidney disease. But for the most past, I've done what I was supposed to do. I hope that means you can, too. You're not alone, not even in this.

Sorry if I came off as uncaring... I know how awful our disorder can be when meds are stopping... I hope you feel better soon and the stabilizer kicks in.... Big hug of comfort for you...x

I am still trying hang in there. Doctor was okay with going back on med. and stop one of my other med instead, but now he is talking about stopping each one to find out which has been making me so sick. Severely hurt my knee and still don't feel any pain. My ability to feel pain is gone the lower u go. Sometimes I feel a little pain before I take meds. Go to have to get knee checked, but do not have energy. It has been so hard. Thank you all. Your words help.

Maybe the mood stabilizer will start helping you again since you are back on it. I hope it does. I am sorry you are feeling so dark. I have a lot of those moments too. I also keep getting very suicidal lately. I really hope you can start to feel better.