I have been attending my support group because the alternative is sitting in the house alone. But it’s been a year and a half since I started going and I’ve yet to find the right people there.

The right people listen.

They don’t say things like, “do you have someone to talk to,” when I tell them I feel overwhelmed. 

Or “wallowing in sadness is self indulgence,” when I say I’ve been crying and unable to eat all weekend.

They don’t tell me I can share anything with them but tell me to contact a crisis line when I say I’m not doing okay. 

They don’t hear my struggle in dealing with Moms passive aggressive behavior and make excuses for her. 

They don’t hear where I am and tell me what I NEED to do. 

They just listen, point me to God and pray. That’s not what anyone does but it’s what all these people keep saying I need. And then no one who’s female can be that and I’m certainly not talking to men. It’s always been easier to talk to guys and be friends with guys but I’m not crossing those boundaries with men. That’s weird. They wouldn’t understand at all. And I don’t want their hugs. No offense to any of you guys and maybe I’d talk to you but not hug you because you would get it and I can’t hug you but I’m just not a hugger if the opposite sex. I’m hardly a hugger of women. I am frustrated and I don’t want to go anymore. I might go to a new one at a different church or find something else entirely but for this week, I’m staying home. Mostly because I’m tired and not okay and that’s not okay with others.