Welcome, Cherrypotion27, sorry for the trauma that brought you here, but glad you found us. This has been a safe place for me to work on my own recovery from sexual assault when I was a kid. In my case it was a US military advisor's teenage son who attacked 5 of us elementary school boys and girls at my school. He kept at it in Michigan when his dad got transferred back to the States, but he got caught there, was tried and convicted, and landed in a Michigan prison. There fellow inmates who had kids on the outside took exception to his kind of crime, and one of them stabbed him to death in there in 2009.

I wish getting revenge meant I was cured, but when we survivors, now adults, met to talk about his death in 2009, all 5 of us agreed that while we weren't sorry he was gone, it didn't instantly cure us, either. So I came here in 2012 once I could accept that my PTSD is chronic, and I need support for the long haul. I got it here, and I hope you do, too.

I’m so sorry. What you wear through was bad enough but to have that reaction from the people who are supposed to care and protect you made it so much worse. My mother was the same, she was also a childhood incest survivor and in her day was also blamed and sent away. She decided to repeat the treatment she had when I an incident.
I hope you can find some understanding and support here.

Just food for thought, but maybe your mom had a lack of trust issue too and that’s why she reacted to you the way she did. My own mother had a very hard childhood, a drunken father and a cold and disinterested mother. As a result, my mom wasn’t a nurturing kind, all she ever thought about it seemed was getting the work done. She was obsessed with it. She was emotionally abusive and later on in years I realized she suffered from A & D. The way I was raised contributed to my own A & D. She doesn’t have a clue as to her contribution to my mental health problems, nor would she ever admit that she ever did anything wrong. The point I’m making is that your mom probably doesn’t have the capacity to understand what she has done by blaming you. At this point maybe you should consider this aspect regarding your mother. It wasn’t your fault she didn’t believe you, nor it probably wasn’t her fault either. We don’t know what others really feel inside themselves and can’t know all the life experiences they had during the course of their life that caused them to be the way they are. Consider forgiving your mom, if only for yourself so you can heal. It is very sad that you had to experience what you did as a child, and not having the support of your mom was probably just as hurtful as the molestation. But you can try to see it from a different perspective, keeping in mind that no one is perfect. I believe in God, and I know that us humans let each other down all the time, but He never will. I hope you can get past this let down by your mother. I don’t say what I just said lightly either, I know you were deeply hurt, as my mom hurt me deeply too. But in order to live in a better state of mind, we have to make that choice to stay where we are in pain, or let go of it and move forward to a better place. I truly hope you can work thru your pain and get to that better place.

When I read your post cherrypotion27, it brought back intense moments that are going on right now and the thought of it is making me so damn angry. My mother had been raped in her life by different men, she said that one time a man had asked her mother could she babysit his 5-year-old daughter. When she took the job of babysitting for the man's 5-year-old daughter, he decided to walk into the room where my mother was and molested her. She has an appointment to see her primary doctor next month, my mother is so pissed about seeing this man that she would rather go anywhere else other than seeing this man. The reason this appointment is bothering my mother because looking at the doctor will trigger off the memory of the night she had to babysit. The mental pain of that night is driving me up the wall. When I leave the room, my mother would page me on the phone, when I return back to the room, my mother is sitting on the couch crying and almost going insane because the memory is so vivid. When this happens, I do not know what to say or do because she is so upset mentally. She would call an on-call nurse or doctor.

I totally dislike when a girl had been sexual raped because they do not get any support at all. I recall a time when I attend college, another college girl got raped by her boyfriend, she talked to her mother about it, the mother was so cold towards her. The mother had told the girl that she did something to cause the rape to happen, I can not repeat to you how I felt after hearing what the mother said to her daughter. Excuse my french, I thought what a bitch. The same year, I had worked at the college in HouseKeeping. The group I worked with, had to clean the dorm where the rape victim used to live. I cleaned the rape victim's room, when I and other workers began cleaning the room, we had to clean out drawers where her clothing was, we put everything into a plastic bag and gave it to our boss. The boss gave it to her family.

This makes me sick. How could someone do that to a child? What is so attractive of a child that would make a man do such a thing? I makes me angry to know that there are sick assholes out there who would cause a woman to lose her self-esteem? This mess will make the woman want to do something she usually would not do.