Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Today Monday I taught my classes and functioned well. No low grade PTSD feverish feeling like I had last Saturday.
I did, however, have repeated little moments of loss of concentration from PTSD during the day. I'd be talking to someone, and it would be as if I retreated from the conversation slowly, pulling back from it like a movie camera would pull back from a close up to a long shot.
It wasn't like an "out of body" experience. I've had those before and it never went that far. It wasn't like I detached from reality, either, and suddenly was looking upon the scene as if were a movie, no. I know what that's like from experience as well. It wasn't that detached. It was not like a movie, it was like I was a camera. As a camera it was I who zoomed out of close up slowly into a long shot. Then I had to zoom myself like I was a camera from a long shot back into close up again.
I didn't ever lose track of the conversation as this happened in a couple of different chats I had with friends today. I would have to refocus, though, and return my "camera" of attention back to close up on the face of the friend I was talking to. The conversations were successful, they ended fine. My friends never noticed, but I knew what had happened.
This happened four times during the day. It's one of my long term PTSD symptoms. My psychiatrist and I are sure that it's a form of dissociating and return from dissociating.
Here's how the literature about dissociating describes it, especially that "movie" part and my feeling I was having to refocus my "camera." Oh, by the way, as the quote says, I don't have DID, substance abuse, or schizophrenia. It's purely PTSD with me, my psychiatrist and I know that for sure.
It's not overwhelming for me. It does requires extra effort and energy to hang in there and continue in conversations.
Let me know if any others here have experienced this. I don't claim to be all that unique.
"DEPERSONALIZATION DISORDER is characterized by a persistent or recurrent feeling of being detached from one’s own mental processes or body. Individuals suffering from Depersonalization Disorder relate feeling as if they are watching their lives from outside of their bodies, similar to watching a movie (American Psychiatric Association, 2000; Frey, 2001; Guralnik, Schmeidler, & Simeon, 2000; Maldonado et al., 2002; Simeon et al., 2001; Spiegel & Cardeña, 1991). Individuals with Depersonalization Disorder often report problems with concentration, memory and perception (Guralnik et al., 2001). The depersonalization must occur independently of DID, substance abuse disorders and Schizophrenia (Steinberg et al., 1993)."
http://www.isst-d.org/default.asp?contentID=76#diss
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
i have gone through times where i have been looking down at my own arm and not being able to believe it was my own arm,also,having experiences where i felt like i was watching my life through glass,or water.....
Have you tried to start your day with grounding excercizes?
Something as simple as sitting for a few minutes with your feet on the floor,and really,literally grounding yourself...a favourite one of mine is told hold a piece of ice in a cloth in my hand and just really concentrate on the sensation.....
Much support to you,muji.
i know how scary this can be.
I have a ton of thoughts on this subject and its something I research a lot if its ever something you want to message about. I had a lot more I was thinking of writing here but guess what? I spaced out haha!
At the time, my amnesia was still epic and my dissociation was extreme and out-of-control. The shrink and I decided it was my most benign form of dissociation and decided to use it as a tool for growing my awareness of the phenom. I still treat it more like a quirk than a real problem. Not even the quirkiest quirk on my quirk cart.
Don't know if that has anything to do with your experience, or not. Just what came out. . .
Continued support while you sort your way through your own, unique case.
What probably is helpful is that you have this class material down from teaching it. Then also the common answers to common questions are just as practiced from students that asked before. Now what stirs the pot is the interference while keeping these "Pat" responses in place. That you are aware of it could mean the PTSD stirred up from management is dissipating and your know when you are in the moment as opposed to when you are running on auto-Pilate.
I like the idea of grounding or mindfulness for you before the class starts. I am still cleaning little stones and pine cone bits from my purse from classes, that I used as needed.
Hugs J.
i do need to be barefoot as much as i can to be in the present. this makes a big difference for me. when i am not able to, it is difficult-impossible for me to remain in now for any length of time.
with the therapist in town that i stopped seeing, i dissociated within ten minutes or so, each time he began talking, maybe less than ten minutes. i couldnt' concentrate on his voice - i would leave. i did not even know i had gone. it has been my most comfortable place for so many years, decades, that it is where i go when not concentrating on being in now.