Your mother is evil and abusive and wrong.

Disability will almost certainly automatically reject you, you WILL have to get an attorney and appeal. Expect it.
I suggest you start calling disability attorneys, they usually take part of your benefits, but if they don't win they don't get paid.

Apply for section 8, why not? If the answer's no, you aren't out any money!

School can be done entirely online, and why on earth can't you get a driver's license?

If worst comes to worst?

Apply at a 4 year college where you can LIVE ON CAMPUS to get away from your monster...er, mother, who apparently needs someone to kick around, and is thus trying to trap you.

Admittedly a Christian college, but accredited:
https://www.cofo.edu/
They try to take impoverished students there. You're broke! You have had many rough breaks in life. Apply there!

My suggestion to you is to ask church groups in your area for a used bicycle and stay away from the house for long periods of time, like at the park, the library, or just bicycling around to get the hell away from your toxic mother.
If you have friends, hang out with them.
You are being psychologically abused.
Get out any way you can, as soon as you can.,.i would consider talking to a domestic violence shelter if I were you. Seriously.

The abuse is making you think about suicide? Uh, yeah. You need to be out of there.

You were there last year, right?
And you're living with your dad, who sexually abused you, also?

I think moving into a domestic violence shelter might be better than living with your parents.

Is it a consolation that at least she is consistent?

"Yes, Ma'am, I'm sure it would be better if the sun rose in the west, the sky was green and the grass was blue. Glad to see you are holding steady."

I, personally, find comfort in consistency. Makes it easy to know when to detach and just look for my solutions elsewhere.

Sorry your mom is so mean, Cants. Hope you find your solutions elsewhere.

Gentle support while you search.

I have a social worker helping me look for housing at the moment and I've been denied before for disability, they said I needed to be hospitalized at least 3 times. I have anxiety about the drivers test and have failed it on a few occasions, plus they aren't willing to help me pay for it drive their car to get it done. I'm rural so there's no getting any help from anyone around here and all the churches know me as the crazy soon to be ex wife of their fellow church's youth pastor.

I have an emergency number to call when I get like this, but last time the woman did the usual bull crap answers you get from a therapist that isn't yours, so I refuse to call it.

My therapist insists I will get disability this time, but I am not sure. I tried to get a job, but there's no one to take me. I can walk for miles and end up nowhere where I live. Once I'm alone everything she says haunts me. My father doesn't say or do anything to me, its all her now.

I got away last year for about 7 months, but I was brought back here like a broken toy returned to the store. I'm afraid of people I don't know and my brother pays for my phone so that I can communicate to the outside world, so I'm afraid to leave here without income of some sort.

So much stress and worry. It feels like I'm standing in a door way but I can't go back and I cant go forward.

No, her consistency is no consolation to me. Last month she told me to give up hope of ever having children because I can't and I need to give up. Then when I iisolated myself in the bathroom she told me to stop crying, "Everyone gets disappointed, you disappoint me every day, you're a disappointment"

On and on and on.. Every day. With a normal tone and a smile on her face, because she only cares about what I can do for her.

She gets me right in my gut and I'm more afriad of strangers than of no chance at an afterlife. She can't see it, but then she gets attention for her suicidal screwed up daughter.

Sorry Cants.

Gentle support.

Thank you both.

So sorry, Cants. My mom was my primary abuser, too, and it's an awful thing to go through life with someone so negative so close. Much support to you.

Ok, so applying to schools that have on-campus living IS needful.

Or, as I said, domestic violence shelter. You are living with an ex-sexually-abusive father and a psychologically abusive mother.

Ask your therapist about my idea, see what she thinks. Emotional abuse is violence too.

You need to get away from her, or she may kill you by getting you to kill yourself.

Note the school I linked...they take students who are impoverished, they expect you to live and work on campus!

This sounds like an awful living situation, and I commend you for making it this far!

I am by no means a therapist but it sounds like your mother is highly emotionally abusive, narcissistic, and toxic. You would likely be better off on your own without her "help." That said, as someone who worked in a homeless shelter in the US for over three years:

1. A women's shelter would take you, and many of them have job placement programs, and counselors to help you get disability.

2. Disability in the US always denies you at least once; I was denied disability when I had cancer. If you push it, they'll cave.

3. There's no harm in applying for Section 8. In addition to Section 8 (where they give you vouchers) there are also income-based section 8 apartments (you move in and the rent is income based; you move out and you pay what you pay, but if you could get in there now you could wait until you get a housing voucher). It doesn't cost anything to apply to these complexes and if your income is $0 then your rent is either $0 or $1 a month, and some of those apartments come with utilities included.

4. Don't let anyone keep you from going back to school. I am poor too and I got a full tuition scholarship to graduate school, in part for academics and in part for need. My school is literally paying me to attend, so I say to you that anything is possible.

5. Also, don't let her take away your relationship. You sound happy and it sounds healthy, and the relationship is between you and him, not you and him and her.

She will rebel when you start doing what's best for you, but you should just keep pushing.

I don't live in your state but if you want to private message me I can help you research options. I'll be sending positive thoughts and prayers as you sort through this!

Can't add much but support. Parents know how to push our buttons b/c they *installed* them. Much healing hopes for you.

Sounds just like my mother.

I wish that I could make it better for you. I have no advice though, because I never found anything that would make her back down.

Hugs. I understand.

hi, I am Lilly and I want to call you Can. I have a mother like yours, a lot like yours and it was horrible when she lived with me.

please don't let her words and echoes of words get you to hurt yourself. that is most important right now. getting away from that house - getting to a women's shelter would be the best idea - and you won't believe how nice it can be. I stayed in one a long time ago. it was little apts attached to a duplex. we had some chores but they were no big deal and mostly to help everyone get some balance, I think. just cooking dinner, or cleaning the kitchen afterwards, things like that. and they do help you sort out the things you want to get done. the signing up for section 8 is an excellent idea and the sooner the better - that is a God send.

if you don't decide to go to university right away, you can pick a city subsidized housing apt to live in until your name comes up on the housing list - that takes a little time. in the mean time though, if you have little or no income, they don't charge you for city housing - they will help you - it is an absolute miracle when it happens for you and you need it like you do and I did.

this will also get you into town, and closer to your boyfriend :O) how nice will that be. you don't have to, and I wouldn't either, tell your mother any of these details - just don't tell her, she will shred them before your eyes. she doesn't need to know. it is so sad, and I am very sorry, but she is sick, mine is too. I can love her, but not be around her.

there are many sorts of help for a single person in town, not only churches, but those too. you can start in university if you are ready or you could start in community college : ) you could take some time to get feeling settled, maybe get some counseling? this is a good place to think and talk about these things.

good for you for bringing yourself here, gentle hugs

you have a life to live, please hold on to that, ok?

if your counselor has told you that you are very likely to be approved for disability the frist time - WOW, believe her - it happens sometimes.

it is very rare, but it happens. it happened for ME. I had an attorney already - I just went and got one when people told me that I would be told no the first time. I was already going to school because I was too sick to work - and I had that mother who was so dreadful, but I found out - people helped me and told me I would be allowed to borrow money to go to school and pay for living expenses. so, I was going to school, but still so sick. I was taking every single document that I had to fill out about being sick for the disabled students office and ones I needed for ACCOMODATIONS, that's what they call them when you need a certain help to access classes, things like that, I was in a wheelchair at that point and needed help to get into my classes. I needed a note from my dr about my service dog - I took those dr's notes to the attorney to put in my file. I took anything that had anything to do with me being sick to the attorney's office. I don't really know why I did that, it just seemed to make sense since they were trying to help me...

anyway, when it was time to talk to the judge, my attorney told me - don't let this get you down or depressed because they ALWAYS say no, and this time we got a judge who HATES disability cases and he ALWAYS says no. so it doesn't reflect on you personally, it is just the way he is - he hates us all.

but when we got in there, he talked to me - and he asked me questions. he wanted to know why I hadn't asked for disability before I started school, things like that. I just told him the truth, I didn't even know I was disabled until someone pointed it out to me - sometimes we don't realize there is help, we just try to help ourselves - and wow, there is help.

anyway, that judge granted my disability right then - it took an hour or more of talking, him asking me questions. but, it wasn't uncomfortable or anything - I thought it would be, but it wasn't. one thing about being tortured by a sick minded person for a long time, when you need to talk to someone about something, and they are NOT sick, it is not difficult at all.

you have your counselor to document your disability - that means so much to the judge. you will be granted the disability. even if not on the first try. you will be provided city paid housing. it would be good for you to have your own place and not stay with your boyfriend. get on your feet before you add anyone. let nothing else be an option at first. these are suggestions - you get to choose what you choose : ) and toss the rest