you know what, your really powerful... you know why, because you know what you want pretty much. your even asking for help when you need it basically...
life is full of doors and passages, or good and bad times.. but i know you can get through it all..

Sending a care package of support, comfort, hugs & support to you Scotty.

Checking in on DS has often been part of my morning routine, often providing a little boost of hope or a needed reset after those nights plagued by insomnia or nightmares.

Personally, I know how important it is to have a companion to comfort & support you right now & I truly hope you are able to find that person who is right for you. In the past, especially during the bad times..., really bad times for my PTSD & other mental health issues, I found myself settling for the wrong person because I was so desperate to feel loved, safe, comforted, & protected. At that time I wasn’t healthy enough, confident enough in myself to choose the right person, and it turned out so badly for myself & that person. I got serious involved with someone who had just as many mental challenges, being ‘damaged’ by trauma being what connected us, but while I sought treatment my partner sought the ‘bottle’, & in the end it turned into a very toxic cycle bordering on being mentally abusive. I thought sharing this with you may help as a way in your healing & in your search for someone special to walk beside you as you travel what is a long and challenging road. The right person for me was someone, not like me at all, but who filled in the parts of me that I was missing, was a compliment to my strengths & balance out my weakness, someone who together we made each other better people to grow with in to something greater than alone.

You’re making such great strides forwards, Scotty. My experience is just because I’ve seen in myself a mirror of what you have faced & are continuing to face (though our situations are different), and in the times of healing & overcoming recent crises, I tended to choose the wrong people as friends, companions, and relationships for more reasons I can recount. But when I began to think all was hopeless, hopping from one bad relationship to the next, I stopped trying to find someone else to be there with me. I couldn’t keep feeling the disappointment & guilt at myself for never finding the ‘one’. So I let it go it’s own way..., focused on my healing & the things in myself that I was proud of, things that brought me peace. And when I was no longer looking, no longer trying, that person found me. It wasn’t a magical happy beginning. I put my husband through several layers of hell due to my PTSD but he for reasons I still don’t understand stuck it out, put up with all my stupidity & selfishness & insanity (we met 3 months after I was diagnosed with cancer so I was really not stable but was is therapy).

So I just would like you to find that kind of person, like my husband is for me, who is supportive but also isn’t afraid to let you know you’re crossing boundaries or pushing buttons or going off the edge of sanity, but patiently brings you back from that chaos, & sticks with you no matter what. It would break my heart if you were hurt or furthered damaged as I was before I found the right person, and so that’s why I thought maybe my experience may help.

I been in similar places, desperate for answers to confusion, desperate for someone to talk to that just will let me say all the things that are constantly causing so much chaos, confusion & pain. If I had the ability & access to a magic wand, I would make things better for you & everyone here but as I can’t even fix myself knowing my luck I’d only make it worse for everyone else.

I hope you don’t give up on hope & continuing to move forward & past the obstacles you find in front of you. You’re experienced & progress is inspiring to us all.

Even though I’m no more than an avatar on a screen, a message without a voice, I am a real person who is standing right beside you, an invisible presence to hopefully give you strength, support & comfort. And be a you’re friend who accepts you unconditionally as you are.

Sending hope, friendship & support to you, Scotty. Hugs.

Hey Scotty. Our mornings often set us for the day ahead. As Vitava shared so well, I was told: You don't meet who you want or need; you meet who you are. Part of that no relationships the first year deal. You and your match are both getting ready to meet. She may not be ready yet. BTW, some public schools offer GED prep for free. Hugs as you continue your journey.

Hey, a good night's sleep means everything to me, too, scotty. So far in the last 4 days I'm breaking even: 2 good nights of sleep, 2 bad nights (one of insomnia until 6am--bad night). Thanks for sharing a morning meditation here.

Hope you get into a good GED program, and that they sort out the possibility or not of a DID diagnosis. There are others here on DS PTSD who have a dual diagnosis with PTSD and DID both, so you're not alone, however it turns out. Much support to you.

in not lookin for like a partner but it would be nice. Just someone to share time hang out and go places. Well Friends i guess. I cut all ties with my past and did it for the good. So that ment even cutting ties with really close friends but the lifestyle setting we all were in would not be a good place for me. just touble makers and users. So ive tried starting fresh these past few years and people ive met seemed ok at first but turned out they was like the rest. So ive been more focused on myself and trying to get shit rite i havnt gave my self time and plus some other issues that give me a fear of meeting new people. The I.O.P. class i go to has great people but id rather be out doing something with a group of people being active and outside all the classes and docs that takes up some time and court . i guess just o kinda be away from the world with friends in a sense. My memory works crazy cant remember to much unless i go somewhere ive been before or see something similar or talk it up but other than that my minds blank most times and just constant thoughts and worries and then at times thoughts come in to mind of thing me personally would never think of and really would rather not. At times im ok and at times i dont seem to be myself well i am just a change in certain things like thoughts . movements, speach problems at times stuttering, and at other times i feel fine. I can really tell when i dont have my meds. I dont ever put my hands on anyone only if some one hits me first or i feel in danger. I may say things at times that i dont remember but nothing to bad. But other than all that crap im ok i guess

just dont really feel myself today. No energy rite now cant focus , IDK what it is. Life i guess. I may get out later and take a long walk in the woods. May make a video. had a bunch made for youtube the past 2 years just never posted them and lost em. I may make me one today and post it on my new FB or YT. Not sure. At the point im at an feeling id have to force my self and well ill just and see how i feel later. Been a music morning for me trying to clear my thoughts.

Oh Im looking for online GED program and then find a online school to go through to study on mental health and drug addiction and hopefully pass it so i can work and help others at the same time. Just got to make sure I find me some local support like friends and peers that i cant consult with hang out and help me through this an overcome some stuff. Hell with the rest, I GOT TO DO SOMETHING IF NOT ILL DRIVE MY SELF MORE CRAZIER THAN I ALREADY AM LOL HAHA but thanks for support

BTW Scotty, in recent years, lots of folks on the way to A&D counselor start by being a peer recovery coach. Once you have GED, you add a 46 hour training, then earn the on site hours to be certified. If there is a peer recovery center in your neck of the woods, you could begin volunteering to do groups and such, and those hours also count. Hugs..

I can completely empathize with desire for friends. I feel like I can’t connect with anyone, or like I have a flashing “Mental Hazard” warning sign above my head that everyone else but myself sees. Over the past few years it feels like as soon as I seem to “click” with someone, within a few days to weeks they realize I’m too... well just too “me”. My husband & daughters are great & I love them dearly but there’s times when I need an “outside” friend..., and recently that’s been nearly impossible to find. All my previous friends live over a 1000+ Miles away in any direction..., and they have their own lives now.

Crossing figures and making wishes on every shooting star for you to find & gain all the things & people that will bring you comfort, help you succeed, & receive happiness, healthing, & peace, Scotty.

Hugs.

With the education, and training that you are already looking to pursue, there are people who you will reach who would be turned off by someone who "looks the part" of a counselor.

Go make the world a better place!