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I don't know I have been dragging my body around?Too many things going on. Dealing with issues with my mother. The memories keep flooding in. I don't have fond memories of her. I think part of the struggle is that she is not emotionally available. The feelings comes up being angry with her. She does not know anything about my life. I have come to a place I want to share. She is 84 yrs old. She lives in box.She had no idea that alcoholism and depression runs in both sides of the fAmily. I am going to take the risk of sharing about sexual abuse. My sense she was abused herself. I feel I am dealing with grief dealing not having a mother. I sense I have not arrived to the place of acceptance.. Its been real painful. Its been real strong wanting to smoke. I have been smoke free for a long time. That wanting to smoke never goes away. I have to be vilglant not to entertain the thought........That this too shall pass.
I want to write more but I am feeling overwhelm. I know its best not to push the river... wanting to write.
Thanks for listening..........
I want to write more but I am feeling overwhelm. I know its best not to push the river... wanting to write.
Thanks for listening..........
I don't feel I have ever had a mother...not since the day she pushed me into the world...never a connection, never a hug, never a conversation of any importance...she was successful and well known and lived her life
like a Hollywood socialite....she cause more damage to the 3 of her children you can even imagine...she is a sociopath and she has not
ever had one guilty feeling in her life....
My mom is about the same age as yours. I have had those conversations with her. Might as well have been talking to a plaster statue.
As far as she is concerned, the father who abused me daily, in her full view, was a wonderful maln
As far as she concerned, all of us, me who lost everything in a nightmare relationship and who is trying to rebuild her life on a wing and a prayer, my NPD bro and ice queen wife and their kids with anorexia and what all who they emotionally abuse, my sister who is depressed and trapped in a marriage to an emotionally abusive and marginally functional NPD, with whom she has a couple of very stressed out kids, we are all fine. My mom insists we are all fine.
Can't get through to her. If I tattooed the truth on her palms. If I put it in neon on her bedroom wall. If I hired the Broadway cast of Cats to sing it in song, NOTHING would get through to her. An angel could come down from a cloud, Obama could put in his speech tomorrow night, CNN could have in in their news crawl, Oprah and Martha Stewart and Katie Couric could appear like the trinity of daytime television, nothing and nobody is going to get through to her. That is my mother, robomom, the stepford mom. If she only had a brain, a heart, the nerve. It's off to see the wizard, the unwonderful wizard of oz.
It hurts, but that is the way it is.
You gotta try. It is important to say it. But steady yourself for it not going well. She might get upset, but she might also not even show a ripple.
Good luck. I feel for you.
Most of my family is like that, selective denial or amnesia they do not remember anything and could see an atomic bomb go off and say "nothing is happening here, is all good"....
Very frustrating...i'm with ya!If you have a bond with her and really love her, you may have to accept that she'll never "get it" and love her still........
I don't have a bond with mine so it doesn't hurt that she's like that, she's like a stranger lady that says she's my mother...
Don't mean to minimize the seriousnes of this post,that reply made me laugh, but is true.
Same with my mother and my family...