yay you for getting all that into words. in my own anxiety management, getting those negatives into words and sharing those words in a safe place helps allot in moving past those negatives and finding sensible solutions.

as i read through you post, i found myself wondering if your current struggle with doctors is connected to the loss of your father. 3 years is not very long in the grieving process. just wondering. . . it remains yours to sort.

steadying support while you sort. share freely. share often.

Arfie, it is interesting that you said that you felt my dad's death could had been because of doctors. I am not sure because he lived in another state than me but I remember talking with him on the phone, he always complained about doctors. I remember when he said that he had one for over 20 years but he retired a back in 2011. My dad had said that the doctor he used to have before he retired was a great person and they used to have good conversations, but after the doctor retired, he was automatically switched to another doctor. She was not like his old doctor, in fact I remember my dad telling me how the new doctor would not listen to his complaints, instead she would just sit there and stare at him and tap her fingers on the table. Then in 2018, my dad was in a bad car wreck, after the wreck, he was given two nurses that would come to his home and care for him but he did not like them so he called the company and said that he did not need them. My dad did have stomach cancer and he had surgery that helped him a great deal but it came back. I called my dad On Easter to wish him a Happy Easter but I never got a chance to talk with him because he was laying on the floor by the phone. I thought and hoped he went out of town or was spending Easter with my female cousin (she'll cook and invite him and other family members over to eat. But that was not the case, I called my other cousin the next day, it seem like he did not want to tell me anything but he told me anyways that my dad was in the hospital for a week, came home to stay with a relative, they felt he did not looked sick and took him back to the hospital, he spent another week in there that is when the doctor told him that there is nothing else they could do to help him. So they sent him back home to the relative's home and that is where he died after three more months. Then in 2020, it came back, he stayed a week in the hospital where the doctor had said to my dad that there is nothing else they could do to help him, it is up to God.

Right now I am upset with how my Mother is being treated by doctors. For example one morning when she went to the ER, she went by ambulance and I was not allowed to ride in the ambulance and I do not own a car or drive because of seizures. When my mom was at the hospital, she said that while she was in the lobby waiting for her ride, three ladies (nurses) walked out to talk with her, after talking with her they called her a name and walked back towards the double doors of the ER. When my mom got home she was so upset and hurt. This past Tuesday, my Mother had an appointment to with her doctor (it was virtual:on computer). I thought the conversation was starting off in a positive way but it turned out to be bad. How the conversation turned out to be in a bad way, the doctor had said something that really flipped my mother out, since then it had put my mother in a bad depression and she took down the Christmas decoration that was put up. In the last two months, he told my mother that she did not need Palliative care or hospice. Well, this time he said something to my mother about Palliative care which put more fear into my mom because she and I had asked was numerous times is there anything severe wrong with my mother's health like cancer or anything like that, he said NO. She had nothing to worry about, we kept asking the question each time we talked with him.

See I can not deal with the mix up and not being honest from a doctor. With all that is going on, life here at home is crappy and there is no spirit of Christmas at all because of it.

Wow, Winter, when that doc said "Then she said to my mother 'you probably would not see your next birthday, or see Christmas or Thanksgiving" from my own hospital chaplain experience that was a violation of every protocol in the book. Holy cow!

That was why in all 3 of the hospitals in which I worked over the years, every one had a policy AGAINST allowing docs to give death notifications to patients. That was the chaplain's job and the chaplain's job only period. The reason why is really clear to see in what you had to hear from this doc.

Insensitive talk like that hurts an the hurt remains for a long time. So sorry you were so hurt by this doc. I can understand why you wouldn't be in the holiday spirit remembering that now. Sending you support.

Thank you so much, Muji. Each day is a chore to deal with emotions. My mother was nothing like this before the diagnosis of cancer. A few years later after the diagnosis, no one reminded my mother or me and my brother that my mom had cancer. The cancer doctor my mom used to have before she was transferred to another hospital, had told my mother that she did not have cancer, it was an autoimmune disease and that she hated when doctors said it was cancer. The primary doctor my mother now has does not see cancer or anything like that which is why I am upset that he told her about Palliative care. The last few months my mother had explained to them (the clinic where her primary doctor is) that she does not want the service and that she has a volunteer job so what would being in a Palliative hospital do for her? Then he, the doctor, had said that they (a doctor from Palliative care) would come out to our home and give my mom shots. Still, it bothered her a lot because it made her feel that they were keeping a secret from her and not telling me about it, instead, they wanted to send her to receive care from Palliative care and hospice. Darn, it has me scratching my head. Now Mom wants to move somewhere else but I have a question: where? She had been in a depressed mood for a long time, lost sleep, had anxiety, and lost her appetite. I am afraid to go somewhere else because it won't be so good if stress comes back on my mom again.

I am so upset because all this stress and emotions have ruined our holidays,

I want to add that the doctor who told my mother that had to move away, I heard it was to Alaska. After moving there, I heard that she would have to do the doctor thing all over again as if she was never a doctor. I thought 'Good for her, itch with the letter B at the beginning. People like that should just shoot me. :(