Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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Messed up

Toughassteele
Toughassteele

Well I messed up. I was clean for 4months and three weeks. I am mad at my self but it helped me forget fir a while and my anxiety was not so bad. My anxiety has been so horrible lately like that two weeks so bad.  I know it's because of Christmas. I have tried everything like even locking my self in my house.  Not going to stores even letting a friend down. I'm lossing my mind.  I told my doctor she says I'll up your  sleeping pills u need sleep .I say I'm going crazy she said come back In three weeks.  I'm still up set my counselor canceled I needed to talk to her about Christmas.  So I could not take it any more on gave in to the temptation . I'm so pissed and I feel like I failed. I'm tired of having ptsd and anxiety  and depression  everything.  I feel like maybe I don't know what I feel any more.  Heart racing all the time just a hot mess.  I had a complete melt down the other day. I had problems when I was way younger with my anger and I had hdad I could not focus.  That how I feel now they put me on meds as a kid and it help I think I need it again.  I think with all my abuse I have been through over the years it's all coming back I have been off the pills for years like I was 14 one I stopped because I got better I was taking them from age 6 till 14. Now all my symptoms are back.  Why me I know I'm not supposed to ask but damn.  Can I get a break please.  Help I need help I can't do this any more. Thank you all for your support and caring this group is all I have to turn to right now and mist of the time.  I really don't have any one else. I appreciate u all in many ways.

patti22
patti22
I'm not sure that I understand what you messed up about.

But that doesn't really matter. Full support as you pick yourself up.

Supportive hugs, Patti
lucillegem
lucillegem
breathe, remember to stay gentle with yourself, You will get through this. Christmas time can be so stressful but its just one day and its done, Your not alone. sending cheers to keep you going...
Toughassteele
Toughassteele
I started using drugs in April and stopped in. July I was clean for 4 months and 3 weeks. I used again I'm upset I let my self so it. Christmas is super hard because I don't get to see my children and it's killing me
Toughassteele
Toughassteele
Thank you for the support
SimpsonsOK
SimpsonsOK
Steele, you tripped up, and got back up. That's the important part. Bad time for therapist to cancel. You are right. We are here for you. I am also having a really hard time right now between physical problems and frustrations at every turn. I consider meltdowns as an acceptable part of my life this year. OK if they happen every day. Still waiting for the inside sun to return. You are not alone. Comforting hugs.
patti22
patti22
Then even more support.

My ex BIL was hooked on heroin. He kicked it about 16 years ago, and after a couple false starts managed to stay off.

Just keep telling yourself that it can be done.
Toughassteele
Toughassteele
Hugs back Thank u all for the support. I'm trying not to beat my self up. I know this is the second time she cancelled on me but I'm up set I know things happen but she new Christmas was going to be real bad for me
crybaby
crybaby
Tough......I struggle with substance misuse as well....I am not on any meds, and I just wanna block stuff out....its so exhausting and painful having your mind attacked all the time.......my thoughts are with you xx
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Toughassteele, you put 4 months and 3 weeks together clean and that accomplishment isn't erased just because you messed up. The greatest thing about support here at DS is that it's here for us no matter what. We're welcome back regardless of our struggles. This is our safe place. That's especially true during those holidays. During these days of the year, family is the topic of the day. Yet for many of us family can, in fact, be the hardest topic for us any day.

It would be good if you might just walk with us through these days until New Year's is over. I know it would be useful to me. We can lean on each other for support day by day. Since, like me, you say DS is all you've got, you might also reach out for more of DS to help you stay clean. I haven't been to any of the other DS support groups, but I hear there's at least one for support in struggling with addiction. If you check that stuff out, let us know what you find, OK?

We're here.
Toughassteele
Toughassteele
Thank you I appreciate the support
Toughassteele
Toughassteele
Thank you I appreciate the support
Toughassteele
Toughassteele
Thank you I appreciate the support
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