Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

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Memory and trauma

Almaluna
Almaluna
Hello,

I have a close friend who has had a lot of trauma as a child and adult. I care deeply for her but sometimes I feel the trauma of her past will ruin our friendship for good.

I'm hoping someone here can help me understand and make a decision about how to help or whether I should keep this friendship at all.

One thing she does is that she'll be very hostile and then forget everything about it. Like if she had gone into a trance and temporary amnesia.

She also remembers me doing things to her or saying things to her that I know never happened. Often hostile things that get her very angry at me.

Is this common? What can I do? I was staying at her house and she threw me out, then called the police because I was not leaving "fast enough" (I was packing my stuff). Then she claimed she did that because I did something to her, but this was something that had happened a week before and was not as bad as she claimed it was.

I have forgiven these types of behaviors before because I know she's been through a lot and is not always mentally/emotionally ok, but I'm getting tired and don't think I should have to put up with this humiliation and abuse, no matter how much I care for her or how much she's done for me and me for her...

Please advice. Any thoughts would be helpful. Thanks!
MrMG
MrMG
Having PTSD or Chronic PTSD can be difficult for partners to deal with. My wife has gone through hell with me yet we are still together. At this point I would say that you are not qualified to deal with your friend. She needs some serious counseling. The best thing that you can do for her is to simply love and support her. Sometimes that will mean tough love but you can't place yourself in harm's way if she is getting violent. At this point in her life she needs someone to love and care for her and sometimes that means doing so at a distance. I know exactly what she is going through. I only wish that I could explain it to you. I do know, from what you are describing, she is stuck in a loop. Most Children who have experienced multiple childhood traumas are still stuck in the memories of the incidents. Everything pertaining to life and those around me are seen through my experiences. It isn't always good. Please encourage her to get some professional help. You both would benefit.
arfie
arfie
Trying to figure out why other people do what they do is guesswork, at best. Dangerous to lethal, at worst. There is a world full of possibilities and understanding the issues is an inside job. If I am not willing to work on an issue, there is zero chance of resolution.

If your friend has not invited your help, say a prayer for her healing and move on. If she has invited your help, be brutally honest with yourself about your own capabilities and limits. I believe PTSD is the number one cause of PTSD. Volunteering to join our ranks as yet another sufferer is not going to help your friend a bit. Take care of yourself first. As the airline attendants say, "put on your own oxygen mask before you attempt to help your neighbor."

Just my opine...

Bless you for caring mcb. Hope you get it sorted.
LeoX3
LeoX3
I echo Arfie.

I have always had some degree of PTSD but not known why or had the "full" impact until about ayear ago. Since? I realie a lot of what I experienced as a kid made me very quick to assume others meant harm when they were just idiots, etc.

Your friend sounds like she's got a much worse case of that than I did/do. And to be honest, it sounds like she needs professional help. If she's displacing onto you things that others did, does things sehe claims not to remember? She may have something other than PTSD occurring, to boot. Encourage her to seek help for her prpbolems, but as they said back in Al-Anon: "Love from a safe distance". In your case, it might mean only staying in touch via e-mail or Facebook for a whie.

It's harsh advice to give, but if she's causing you harm, then she's not someone you can be around, IMO.

Luck and blessings,
Leo
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