today is the first day of summer vacation in our local elementary school. my little ship of fools has stabilized considerable during the almost 3 years since domestic turbulence brought us together as a foster family in august, 2019, but we are still fragile enough that any change, whatsoever, feels like a threat. we held steady --i think-- during the last weeks of school, but are still covidically cloudy on what to expect from the long, unstructured days. we have managed to cobble together a bit of a social network, but still no community support to speak of. just masks and social distance. prayers in progress that we have the family protocols by which to develop that still fledgling network.

today's read from "courage to change" is resonating clearly through the ruminating uncertainties. clearly enough to rate the meditative reinforcement of typing it out to share here.

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i have often tried to avoid repeating mistakes by making strict rules for my behavior. although i can learn from experience, i can't plan for every situation that might happen in the future. trying to do so only limits my options. when i get lost in such limited thinking, my therapy supporters remind me to keep an open mind.

i'm glad it does, because i am constantly changing. i continually need to let go of old ideas when they no longer work for me. if i don't get too attached to any one way to approach life, i adjust to change with a lot less stress and strain.

as i practice keeping an open mind, i tend to cross paths with people who are also flexible in their thinking and we help each other to see more clearly. as a friend says, "we don't see the world as it is. we see the world as we are."

today's reminder

as i grow, i continue to learn and to unlearn, replacing old ideas with new ones and reclaiming others that had been cast aside. today i welcome this flow of information that will nourish and replenish me as i become more fully myself.

"to keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable." ~helen keller

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for me, unlearning is far harder learning. unlearning calls for reviewing the lessons i am trying to unlearn and ? ? ? ouchie mama! ! ! denial has its place in the grand scheme of things, doesn't it? especially for a 67 year old toxic mom fated to a second parenting career?

sigh. . .

sorting. . . attempting to keep my face toward change while behaving like a free spirit in the presence of fate.

again i leave the mood icon on the rapid cycling median. fissuring. . .