Hi ...we can have a chat

Welcome to the forum, Sam.

I know the reason I can articulate so much better in text is that I get time to think about it and I can edit my response. Live media, including chat rooms, etc., move too fast to permit comprehensive thought.

Sounds like you are fishing for live cyber-action, but. . . We are here if ever you choose to participate.

Welcome to DS. Hope you find healing companionship here, in whatever form you are comfortable with.

Yeah, psychologist Viktor Frankl survived the Holocaust's traumas in the concentration camps and came out writing a lot, resulting in his book Man's Search for Meaning and his belief in logotherapy, who writing helps us with the unspeakable.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viktor_Frankl


Recent research is confirming it.

Anyway, I just needed some way to get my ball of stuff out, and this place has been the place for me because I see how writing here works for others, too. So welcome, and go for it. We're here.

I think better I'm same way welcome hugs min

thank you for the reply, i'm not sure if i'm feeling overwhelmed by the living situation and the stress of loud noise and voices of others are connected to a feeling of panic and like i have nowhere to evade or escape the memories or feelings that flood me when passing by anyone in the large areas where the tenants gather at my apartments. its almost impossible to have a friend in this place, anything you have or do not have to offer becomes the sole interest of the decision from others. the concept of my problems i live with being another issue others have no understanding or compassion about... that i'm remembering all the harsh words that have been said to me at one time or another. I have moments of relief but pain 3 times as long as that relief. i know what i'm capable of at a cost to my body and I know i've done very well to still in my right mind after all of this. its been 7 years and all i have is time to catch up with as my conditions have been neglected for many years and the intensive therapy and office visits are way too much.

I have a severely hard time logging anything to keep track, let alone a pain journal, diabetic journal, diet, bowel movements, and when and where the pain is more then a signal in my body that is not a serious issue unrelated to the nerves.



feelings of hurt, betrayal, manipulation, and disreguard for the issues nobody can see within me. i was given shelter and a voucher to be taken off the streets. in 2 days it will have been a year to the day i showered, changed, and got a new apartment then left to sleep in an attic with a snowsuit so i could try to work with problems that also bring back a flood of memories from the pain i feel on a constant basis.

my tolerance is so high, even others who live in pain think i'm overplaying my role. not everyone responds or is conditioned to not respond to pain... its become like breathing, and used to be fairly easy to ignore pain, till more issues started to complicate things. for instance, I have a scar from childhood with no memories. it appears to be my arm was twisted and a frying pan i was told i pulled off the stove, was pressed and pulled down my arm... my whole arm, with even burn pattern on both sides of the round... the missing years i can't recall trouble me as well, i've never felt like i know who i am, sometimes i wonder about the violent behavior i had displayed as a child, i also don't remember but a few pieces as if it was not me but i'm haunted by the glimpse of who i was...

I write fluently. I speak poorly. Support thoughts going your way.

I have to appeal the ssa decision again, at least I'm on a retreat I didn't have to pay for. I don't know when my financial life is going to turn around...