Sorry you are going through this. I am in the same boat, so not sure how to advice other then you are not alone. totally crapy though, mine is not very supportive either. We are both in counselling too. That might help?

I am going through the same abit. I have pushed my bf away because of my past. My ex's assaulted me and now I push him way because I can't handle anything. I am struggling to find myself again. And slowly my bf is given my up. I feel lost without him but I just don't know what to do

Welcome to the forum, Hopes.

My personal recovery has stayed strongest and most consistent when I have taken it in small, manageable bytes and chewed each byte well, checking for bones and stones before swallowing. Showing up in places like this one, both live and on-line, tackles the part about not knowing who to talk to. Nice, chewable, easy to manage chunk. Now to chew well, checking for bones and stones before swallowing. When you are ready for the next byte, you will know what to do.

However desperate the situation feels, ^it^ is always easier when I share the load. Still not easy, nor justy, but easier. Hope you find healing companionship here to help you feel less alone with ^it^.

Welcome to DS.

You are not on your own. There are free videos about therapy techniques to help you find calming breathing, sleeping, etc., all *over* Youtube.

As for your spouse... This link was invaluable to mine. Our dear LillyPotter (currently on hiatus) found it for us, and I saved it....

https://sometimesmagical.wordpress.com/2013/10/26/supporting-a-loved-one-through-ptsd-or-panic-attacks/

(If link won't work, copy-paste to the address bar in your browser.)

What therapy I have, my hubby comes to me with every other session. A lot of times, he needs to hear what the thearpist explains to me, so he knows why I'm a wreck, and also, he then repeats it to me at home. "Remember what (therapist) said?" he asks, and then I'm like, "I dunno!" or "Oh. Yeah." and it helps.

That said? I'm not in your life, and my spouse and I have been friends for nearly 30 years, togetehr nearly 27, married nearly 25, sooo.... we've done counseling, etc., and I at least basically memorized Marriage for Dummies. It's a whole other ball game if the spouse is *not* willing to share the issue, and just wants "his and hers" labels on problems.

You're not alone. Lot of us here have/had spouses/marriage issues....

Hi Hope, if you have a woman's shelter they sometimes offer groups on abuse. You could call your local hospital as well for help...211 is a phone number you can call and talk with someone to help you find help...www.infoline.com is the website for the number. Working through the pain of your abuse is a process, hard psychological work. I really hope you will find some peace.

Mine used the time that I spent going to a face to face support group weekly as the time she would cheat on me with a coworker of mine. One week I told my support group how much I loved her. I decided on the spot to come home early to surprise her by taking her out to dinner.

That's how I found out. It triggered my PTSD so bad I was in the hospital for 4 days. Then we got divorced, which drove me into bankruptcy. In the ensuing depression I lost my job, too. It's been 16 years now, and I don't date. My support is here at DS PTSD.

There are some good books out there. There's one that a number of people seem to really like. I can't remember the title or author. I loaned mine out and haven't received it back. Hope somebody reads this thread and can come up with it. I know Muji would have it if you PM him. PTSD can be lonely. Others just can't seem to grasp the hold it gets on you and the struggle it is every day. Lots of support and gentle hugs.

Just know you are not alone. I know exactly how you feel about being a shell. Like everyone has said there are so many book out there. Some books about just making yourself stronger and learning to smile again helped me some. Than as you say you can have everyone that loves you right there and you feel so lonely. Someone told me it's like feeling a cold wind when your in the sunshine. You have the power to decide whether you feel the warmth of the sun or the wind go right through you. Some days I get so so tired of feeling afraid, alone and everything else and I just look in the mirror and say I'm going to enjoy this next hour.. if it's playing with your dog, taking a walk or just drinking a great cup of coffee but really enjoy it. Maybe someday you won't have to remind yourself to enjoy things or maybe it just gets easier. I don't know if I made any sense my mind is really messed up right now too. Taking a minute at a time. Just know you are much more than a shell. Take care of yourself prayers and hugs coming your way