I think I made the day a good day for the kids, there were some lulls and I did have to nap away some anxiety but the kids had lots of smiles and voiced their appreciation of the gifts and food and drink. We were all in stitches laughing during a new game I started for our own family traditions. Even grumpy old hubs said that was a great idea and a lot of fun. We finished it off with a movie that the kids ended up going to do their own thing halfway through. I was watching the clock, doing the count down til bed but I think I held it together as good, without notice, as I could. Today is just relief with a capital F you to Xmas lol. I'm relieved my kids were happy, that I didn't break down like I wanted to a dozen times to break this no contact with my mom, that the meal and presents were good. Not looking forward to the next holiday but looking forward for this to get easier. A thing that helped me was doing a grateful checklist throughout the day, it's humbling plus it was a great substitute for the lost nostalgia I used to have for Xmas. Yay for Xmas to be over...yay for ptsd full swing to hopefully being on it way to half then a quarter swing. Like I said just being over feels great!! On to the new year new me bs which gives hope and most of all isn't as hard, for myself, as Xmas. Cheers