Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I... once had a girlfriend that I loved more than anything when I was just turning 18 years ago and she cheated on me a lot. Multiple times. Secretly and openly. Embarrassing me many times. So when I finally had enough I did embarrassed her online. And... I regret what I did. but when we hurt we sometimes hurt others. But when I did... she got me jumped. My lip was split. I was homeless since my mother kicked me out for pursuing music... and I had no money. I didn't even go to the hospital to get my lip stitched and now I'm sure in the future if I'm still here I'll have to get it surgically fixed it it's possible... since that experience and my family alienating me for pursuing music rather than a regular 9-5 my life has been hell. I have no one. I live in a different state from family. My career is starting to look up but... even in my career I got a couple huge placements and never got a dime for them... and it's derailed my life. My life has been very slow to move up now because of the pain and ptsd from my entire family never believing in me and my dream crushing me as it did. I don't trust or idk even love my mom nor my brother like I used to. They were my heroes. And since they let me down and showed me they didn't support me, they had no real love for me and what I loved but only for what I could do for them and how obedient I was to them. they just wanted me to fit their image or narrative of the good son. And that's not me. I want to be my own person. Since there's no trust or loyalty in my life I've found it extremely difficult to be that way for my girlfriend. Sometimes she makes me feel like I'm not enough when I'm here in her face trying to support and love her. We both aren't where we wanna be right now but I just tell her it takes time. I'm building my name in the industry and she has things going for herself. But we don't click a lot like we used to... when we click it's amazing. But when we don't it's a war. I've cheated on her to fill the void in my life where I feel like I'm not enough. And I'll never be the man I envisioned myself to be. I want to end it all everyday... but I push myself for my sisters who do need me like I once needed somebody to love me and never got it. I want to be better for myself, my sisters and my girlfriend. But I need help. I'm on my last leg. I get defensive about little things. I get angrier and almost manic when I feel like I'm just invisible and like I'm not being heard. I haven't slept since 4 and I just feel like giving up right now
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
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B/c if you're not there for you, you won't be able to be there for anyone else. Airplane mask rule: Get air for you, or you'll be unable to help anyone else.
This may seem rambling and disjointed, but my headspace is bad right now, and I'm sorry for that.
If you have a therapist, let the therapist hear it all, and be angry, be sad, be *single*... Give youreslf the love, okay?
Just consider the idea ---- if having to please her is off your to-do list -----
One week I got to the meeting place at the right time only to find the meeting had been canceled due to an emergency that took the leaders away. That meant I went home when I wasn't expected and walked into what turned out to be the end of a decade of marriage.
I have never fully recovered from that debacle in the sense that I haven't returned to dating much less remarried. But it did make me value support group strength all the more, which is why I've been here in this group for a decade now.
I had to let that marriage go, as much as I didn't want to. I moved on though my heartbreak remained, and cultivated a lot of other areas of my life, working in church, here, and it a lot of other areas of life that have been really rewarding to me.
Good for you for pursuing your music! It's great that you are so dedicated to your craft. Keep going, keep at it. When you feel down, write lyrics.
I have some experience with musicians, and unfortunately.... even the big names had to work at least a part time job, to pay just for regular things we have to have in life.
Have you considered working part time? I just think by going to work, and meeting new friends at work, the stresses in your current situations (with your girlfriend, too) will be less stressful for you.
Good luck, whatever you decide to do. It's your life, and you have so much life ahead of you to live.