Well I hate to say this. I got domestic violence treatment from 2017 to 2019. My first ( deceased) husband had an internet porn addiction. My father has controlling abusive behavior. It is highly unlikely she will change. I had to get an order of protection against my father. You can change though. There is help for you My current husband has anger issues alternative reality issues blames me. I am taking a look at me and what I want for my future. Even if your partner has Mental health issues contributing to this she will need to get help for herself. My thoughts? Leave now. Disappear. Go no contact.

Hi Loomis, welcome to the group. Sorry you guys are going through this. Since she has acknowledged that there's a lot wrong with her maybe she'll take this opportunity to do some inner work. All the same, it's true that you can't help her, save her, change her, etc. What you can do, if you choose, is to strengthen and or change yourself.

You might benefit from considering what your goal(s) are for this relationship and thinking about whether those are realistic expectations at this time.

Any way, I hope you get the perspective you need to figure out where you'd like to go from here and whether it's realistic to go there with her.

A lot of times people who've been accused of being abusive say that they're sorry. And, maybe they are. One question I've found useful in that situation is to ask them, "what are you willing to do to make sure this doesn't happen again?" Or, "how (specifically) are you planning to handle things if you should be feeling like (abusive behavior) in the future?" Even when the person is truly sorry and even means to never do it again, those good intentions are almost never enough to keep them from repeating the behavior. They need a concrete specific plan tailored to the situation.

Also, even if you want to be in a relationship with someone, you have a right to set boundaries with respect to how others are allowed to treat you. You can tell them what your boundaries are. And, you can refuse to spend time either with people or in situations where your boundaries are not respected.

Going back to work before you're ready may be rough. If you have to that's what you have to do. But, if you can take a small amount of extra time and use it in a productive way so that you're more ready when you do go back, that's o.k. too. Whatever works for your situation.

Wishing you peace and strength.

I am so sorry for everything you and your fiance are going through, Thank you so much for sharing, it takes a lot of courage to make a post and I admire that in you.

I would definitely suggest not returning to work, and maybe taking a leave of absence if possible. Even an extra day or two off could be potentially helpful. Jobs will come and go but there is only one you, so I would try to make sure you are prioritizing yourself during this time, even if it seems difficult.

You and your fiancee are both going through a lot individually, and time for healing may be needed. I hope you can find ways to learn more about what you need from a potential partner during this time, Journalling really helped me. I set an alarm every evening for 10 minutes and find writing prompts online that help me understand what I need/feel. This could perhaps be a good time for you to find out new things about yourself while your fiance is away dealing with her own health.

Welcome to the board Loomis... I am so sorry to read all that you're going through

I agree to take a good look within you..... Abusers always have a honeymoon period when they're sorry

Is this a pattern?

If you aren't well and need more time off I would get a doctors note and take it

We all deserve to be treated with dignity and respect... Noone deserves to be abused

What would you tell one of us to do if you read this post?

Gentle hug and a blessing while you work out what's in your best interest... xo

Thank u all very much for ur post