Kieth,
It sounds to me like you are really depressed. When I sleep a ton and veg in front of the tv a lot, it tells me that I'm in a hole. Do you have a therapist to talk with? Medication might be a help while you work things out. Melatonin can help you right your sleep cycle and you can buy it over the counter. 3 mg is the usual dose though you can take more or less. You want to take it about an hour before going to bed and then you don't want to be sitting in bright light. The other thing you can take is Benadryl. I took that for a while for sleep before I was taking meds to help me sleep. I tend to avoid getting into bed at night, probably b/c all my trauma was mostly at night. It scares me to go to sleep, though I don't have dreams I remember or anything. Even though I have meds to put me to sleep, I put off taking them. I am working on doing better about taking those earlier. Anyway, I think the most important thing is to get some help. If you don't or can't see a therapist, I suggest seeing your family doctor. The doctor can prescribe meds and also make a referral to a therapist, The doc may also be able to explain things to your dad about insomnia so that he lays off you a bit.

Ouch. Insomnia is my Achilles Heel, so to speak, because it compounds daytime problems already tough to cope with. Melotonin over the counter helped my last bout, but if it's psychological like depression as other friends here suggest I'd talk to my therapist sooner rather than later. I don't know about you, but for me insomnia snowballs. Take good care of yourself.

Thank you guys for your input. I realize that I am very depressed and that it has become more of a struggle lately. I agree with all the words and responses, but I don't have any insurance or money to see any type of therapist. I am currently in a clinical research study for PTSD, so the therapy I have received to start is relaxation therapy. Not too crazy about it, but I have heard a lot of great things about it.

Stella-I do have natural herbs to put me to sleep, like melatonin
(mentioned) and valerian root but I have put it off. Never taken it before.

51- I have realized this point over and over again in my path to recovery. Don't take it offensely.

Mujica- I will do my best. Insomnia is definitely not my best friend.

Kat,

I suffered from insomnia for a very long spell a few years back, one thing I stopped doing was watching TV before going to sleep. It's too much information for an already taxed mind.

One thing, I started doing was listen to quiet meditations, such as "Morning and Evening Meditations" By Louise Hay and my insomnia disappeared in a matter of weeks.

I played the tape before I went to bed and I would fall asleep listening to it, in the morning I'd wake up, turn the tape around and listen to it as I was lying there in my bed and before I knew it, I could not stay awake long to listen to the entire side, and my days were much better.

Those two meditations improved my quality of life, in ways I cannot easily describe but whenever my life takes a turn towards the stressful bend, I pop it in and start the process all over again and rest my spiritual clock as it were.

It resets my sense of self, inner peace and self esteem like clockwork. It was the best gift I gave myself decades ago.

Also her book, "You can heal your life" is extremely useful specially for folks who have had psychological traumas because it is written by a woman who successfully overcame horrendous child abuse and now dedicates her life helping others live better lives, as they so well deserve.

Hugs,
Wolf

Hope this helps,
Wolf

Kat,

Regarding depression, while it may be a physiological imbalance, it is primarily caused by the thought process we are having. I should know, I've lived with it since I was a child.

But thanks to a wonderful therapist who specialized in Behavior Cognitive Therapy and showed me exactly how much my thought process was actually working against me, I have been able to manage my depression medication free.

I realize most folks cannot do this but, the medication would be far more effective if they were to change their thought life. So, for instance, saying things like "I just don't know how much more I can handle" "I am feeling worse every day that goes by" will most definitely ensure that you will do just that.

What needs to change here is your outlook, what needs a drastic overhaul here is your thought life. One little mantra my therapist gave me was "Every day, I'm feeling better and better." that was it! I was to say it, as often as I could remember, I was to say it specially in times where I was having the worst of times, when I was feeling the crappiest. In those times, I would say it out loud, ten times and it would actually calm me down.

Whenever I was feeling out of sorts, one mantra I still say is, "All is well in my world." I said this during the time my father had died and my jack wagon of a step brother was harassing me to get on with the will bit. I said this every time my boss yelled at me, in other words at the worst of times, I would say it.

Another mantra I often say, "It's all good" whenever something does not go the way I want it (like who on Earth am I to say how something should go, I don't have a crystal ball, right?),

The trick here is to start saying positive things, instead of negative ones. Think of it this way, here you are thinking defeatist thoughts and see the results? More negative crap happens, little wonder, uh?

One thing you need to seriously understand is this, thoughts are energy. Negative thoughts create negative energy and you can see it because as you say, your strength has been sapped and you feel like you are losing it.

I have felt that way many times but now I catch myself and change my script. I realize that if I want a bright future, I'd better start using bright and cheerful words.

I know that it's always up to me to decide what kind of day I'll be having, in spite of what may be going on out there or inside me. I am in control and that's what you also need to understand.

You may feel out of control but you are not. You may feel like you are losing it but you are not. Get rid of the illusion, and you'll have your life back. Believe me, when I was working in my childhood traumas, it sure felt like insanity was just a whisper away, but I'm here to say that was just that, an illusion.

The issue is to not judge your thoughts, they are just thoughts, like a car is a just a car, it only becomes a good/bad car when we judge it, Same with thoughts, so there are healthy thoughts and unhealthy thoughts.

That is thoughts that serve you well and improve your quality of life and unhealthy thoughts that drag you down. So I ask you: What kind of thoughts, you'd want to have henceforth? The answer will determine your future, indeed.

Hugs,
Wolf

Wolf, thanks for your experiences with insomnia. I'll tuck those away for one of those nights. Personally, I'm doing ok again now, but it's a little unpleasant surprise now and then. Back to you, FindingKatB: I sure hope you get a break from it, my friend!

Yeah. Insomnia. It makes everything worse and nothing better.

I'm relegated to a "residential hotel." I leave the windows cracked at night for some fresh air.

A night or two ago, while I struggled with sleep, a /slight/ breeze blew a paper off the dresser. THAT noise woke me up. Most nights, I'm lucky if I get 3-4 hrs. It's been brutal, and takes a big cumulative toll.

To get sleep, I'm drinking red wine, moderately, before bedtime.

I'm also taking Clonidine (usually prescribed for blood pressure, but can be used for sleep) and Clonazepam (anti-anxiety med), along with Benadryl.

In 2004 -- after being declared disabled -- I spent a couple weeks in a Buddhist monastery AND about ten days at a "Vippassana" retreat. Both taught me about 'mindfulness,' 'stillness,' and meditation.

I learned a lot, there, and am pretty good at the practice, but ... still ... it's not enough.

PTSD can carry with it BOTH anxiety AND depression, EACH of which can mess up your sleep.

I'd try anything natural, first (meditation, warm baths, warm milk, verrrrry mild exercise (like stretching), trying to get vigorous exercise during the day (but not near bedtime), eliminating caffeine, no protein near bedtime, etc., etc.).

But we NEED to sleep. If what I'm trying doesn't cut it ... I won't be proud. I'll ask for sleepers.

The demons .... find us ... when we lay our heads on our pillows, don't they ?

I've ALSO taken to watching a ridiculous amount of TV. I'm fairly agoraphobic, right now. Not very interested in outdoors (how I've enjoyed most of my life) or other people.

Do what it takes. Do it slowly, wisely, with guidance, and in a "step-wise" fashion -- simplest, most natural things first.

I would also preach what I don't practice: turn OFF the TV a few hours before 'bedtime.' TV is a bit of a stimulant. When I do practice what I preach, I do find it a BIT easier to doze off.

And ... the whole "losing it" or "losing my mind" or "losing control" thing ... in my experience ... is BEST dealt with by long, slow, deep breaths ... for 5-10 minutes. It's amazing how well that can help us through an acute episode.

All the best.....

David
http://tinyurl.com/8raqfdm

I am absolutely amazed at how much two amino acids: L-tyrosine and L-theanine have helped me!

Sleep used to be what I liked to 'power braking all night long' as if a car was parked in the garage and both pedals pressed to the floor - jolting awake repeatedly, in nothing short of fight/flight . . .A sleep study done WITH all my natural sleep supplements PLUS xanax indicated multiple arousals. I don't recall nightmares, if I'm having them, but I seriously doubt I am as I wasn't entering REM stage at all.

Now, I sleep. I'm still taking xanax on top of the aminos, but I wake rested. I am calm during the day. Very little of that floating anxiety. An alcoholic drink, incidentally, will aggravate the anxiety and depression the following day.

I still feel the surge of adrenaline or cortisol when startled, but I'm able to recognize and let it go, with meditation and/or focused breathing. Before the aminos, I was stuck in that flood of antagonistic energy, dumping quickly into exhaustion, for days - along with the despair, fear, anxiety and depression.