My wife Rosey had been in and out of hospital for many years the main problem had been Pancreatitis after many years of abusive drinking the horrors of alcohol were always present and to be honest on the emotional scale i thought i had become numb to even the most horrfic of encounters . But then i had not factored death and the reality of that into the equasion . I was so used to wheeling Rosey out of the hospital having been patched up and getting her home . Over the last years morphine had slowly entered our lives and in 2017 i was about to experience a lesson on a very different scale indeed . it all started in the summer as usula she had been discharged and had asked as we neared home to stop in the local shop to get a cold can of coke , i sat in the car as she and her crutch walked to the shop entrance and vanished inside about 5 mins later the guy form the shop came running over to tell me Rosey had taken a tumble and to come quick . I found her just inside the doorway i agony .... she had a condition called Osteoporosis her bones were like glass she had recently in the last few years broken her femur twice from the smallest of falls so i expected the worse , it felt such a shame she had been looking genuinely very well . She went to AE wehre they found no fractures i was surprised but then later they found a hairline fracture of the hip , she then to cut to the chase devoloped sepsis and within a few weeks was admitted to critical care with pnuemonia ...she had been diagnosed with a condition called Addisons disease a few years earlier and had to take steroids for the condition this ironically kills off your immune system but to stop taking the steroids just makes the Addisons even worse with regards to the immune system its a catch 22 . She was on 50 percent oxygen we were told she was likely to die . BUT GUESS WHAT ? She did not and she made it out of critical care . She was moved to RSU respiratory unit where she slowly recovered . Whilst she as there a doctor visited her and said that her Haemo had been dropping and she worried she had a bleed and that she wanted my wife to have an endoscopy , this was cancelled as they said she was too soon out of CCU ,the doctor visited again and said she was really annoyed as she felt my wife was in grave danger . My wife kept asking from that point for the Endoscopy but they said she could have it as a outpatient , my wife said she wanted it before she went home she had suffered enough and wanted to know she was safe . However she was sent home without it on the 1st Nov 2017 she had 21 days to live . Rosey began to suffer a temp and i called a paramedic who diganosed yet again sepsis on the 7 th of Nov by the 16 th she was placed in RSU high dependency with Pnuemonia again , a doctor told me that was she to need end of life care they would not be prepared to give life support he did not expect her to live much longer , the bastards were writing her off only i did not realise the horror show that was to unfold as a result of these idiots playing god . On the Saturday previous to the 22 nd of Nov 2017 my wife begain to bleed from her mouth she clutched her stomach in agony she begged me to die she begged to take her home but i couldnt i couldnt do anything thelast thing she said was please let me die i cant get those words ot of my head i cant get her eyes with so much pain out of my head . Everything you read about UK hospitals having a shortage of doctors at weekends is a bloody understatement , she was writhing around for what seemed hours doctors that came knew nothing of my wife so were reluctant to give effective pain control the moron doctor that had told me that my wife would not receive end of life support turned up gav eher a pathetic amount of morphine then just left . Myself and her daughter had to place pillows over the bars on the bed as he would have broken her arms her father begged the nurses to stop he pain but nothing was truly done . 

The next morning they wheeled my wife to a side room unplugged everything except her oxygen mask and left  for days she writhed around she never regained consciousness on the day of the 21st of Nov Paleative care arrived they were horrified they had not been informed earlier my wife had suffered terribly , they administered correct drugs and for the first time my wife was truly at peace , she died the next morning . An autopsy revealed that however despite the hospital stating she had died from pnuemonia she had in fact died from a gastric ulcer bleed out , yes the doctor who had asked for the original endoscopy had been right to worry after all . I can no timagine how my wife suffered i will never forget her eyes so stricken in pain that look that only dire pain can give that panic that horror that gutteral noise in her voice . I feel so much guilt at not being able to do anything im so tired now all these months later and i just want it too stop in my head and it wont , my home seems to be waiting for her to return her dressing gown is in the bedroom door ..............