Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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Been navigating the edges of psychosis in recent days. Why can't I just be normal? Predictably enough, my light triggers have jumped their curbs and . . . Ouch. . . Don't much feel like retelling the multiple trauma tales attached to my light trigger this morning, but . . . More ouch. . .
This morning finds me wondering, yet again, if the shadows are at least as triggering as the lights. The brighter the light, the deeper the shadows. Multiple lights cast multiple shadows. Shadows do not define easily. Etc., etc.
Thoughts? Reality checks? Light/dark metaphors? Biology debates? The biology debates make me feel especially freaky. I already know I'm not a normal human. I still have days where I don't feel human at all.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
i am sorry you are going through all of this right now.
(((((hugs))))
For me, light shows me where the shadows lie, and then I want the shadows to go away so I shine more light, but there's always more shadows and then if there's no light it's all shadows and.... My brain-spin on this one is part MonkeyBrain and part PTSD, and all illogical.
Puma support.
In my strictly personals, I'm almost comfortable calling my light phobia pure PTSD. Child pornography sets and gang rape beneath farm lights, etc., are potent trauma. Lots of chain-reacting going on. . .
Thank you for the Puma support. Love that Puma Power!!!
And I also think people tend to choose their perception of normal based on others expectations.
I jumped off that train cause it wasn’t going anywhere I wanted to be. But that’s me.
Triple hugs arfie ~ hang in there, grand time is coming
Being triggered by one of the most poetically cherished and scientifically endorsed human comforts on the planet? Triple howl yowl. . . Beaten crazy bitch wolf on the run. . .
Let's just say...I don't think of light as my friend. And I can't imagine why anyone would want to live in a house with a million windows.
Yes, electric lights are everywhere.
But none of that would be trigger intensity without the brightly lit traumas my PTSD has partnered up with.
Is the bright of electric light your reason for hating windows.?
Light is the door opening. Peace ending. No escape. I'm crap. I'm worse than crap. I'm the crap of the crap of the crap of the crap of the crap. Oh and I'm crap for thinking like crap and even more crap for feeling like crap. Whatever you do...don't show that you hurt. That will never be forgiven.
Dark is a book that I can escape into. Crowd out the thoughts. Pretend for a just a few minutes that I'm not me. Dark where my faults aren't seen, picked through, shredded and found wanting in a million ways.
That electric light = rape thing is in my light trigger, as well. My father was night blind. Needed a search light to find his own nose. That piece of my light trigger responded fairly well to therapy in my own case. For me it is only security/bright electric lights. Natural lights comfort me and my night sight is so good that I am consistently amazed at what most people call, "Darkness."
My light trigger remains mean enough to get eye aches from a Poetry Slam (lots of light metaphors), but I'm grateful to have tamed it a bit.