I was put in death situations as a kid multiple times. My step father tortured me a half dozen times I can remember where it would have killed me with just a bit more effort on his part. He told me he was seriously thinking about it. He talked about killing me in front of me with my mother. One thing I did to cope was, I forgot. I repressed the memories for close to 50 years. I know remember that another thing I did to cope was experience the trauma within an alter personality. My personality split from the great fear. A third thing this alter tells me I did, was just not count on life lasting very long and what the hell was there to hold onto in life anyway. I was ambivalent as a child about which is better? life or death.

Last year when I was robbed at gunpoint, it was not traumatic. It wasn't life or death, I was really sure he would not shoot. But I didn't fear the remote possibility. Why not? I think the robbery triggered that little ambivalent kid who just doesn't know which to prefer. Besides the robber was just not that scary. When detectives came to my house with a photo array so I might ID the gunman, he was not there. One detective nudged on specific photo and asked what about this guy? This guy looked seriously evil. I told the detective, If that man had pointed a gun at me and ordered me to open the safe, I would have. So if faced with serious death threat maybe I really do want to live and it would have been traumatic. I think this is true.

I'm not sure that direct death threats are worse than constant incest rapes at home and a mother who blamed me. There is soul death too from too much betrayal. The greater the trauma - the greater positives are needed to heal, I guess. Not trying to be trite here. It's hard to return to memory and understanding of that time.

The way we cope now is the same as with all PTSD. Therapy, support, friends, being heard and validated, being self forgiving and patient and many other ways.

I cope in small, bite-sized chunks. When the whelming hits, my bite-sized chunk is to simply hold still and let it wash over me. After the whelming passes, I choose a small element from it and work on that. At first that small element was simply resisting the urge to repress the memories and turning them into "stains on the carpet" that were ugly as sin but without the power to trip me as I walked past them. I worked that step for years. But then, I repressed the memories for years. Quid pro quo. I had ALLOT of forgetting habits to rewire.

So it was for me.

Hope you find what it is for you.

Taking it one day at a time. That is how I cope. Slowly.

Some days will be good, some decent and at times, some very, very bad. On the good days, you embrace whatever you can and hold it tight. On the decent days, you say, its okay. And on the bad days, you treat yourself as gently as possible and remember to hold-on to your lifeline if you need it.

All I can say is sexual abuse as a child, teen, then promiscuous asked for it BIG TIME. College- raped. Lived above the psycho guy. Was kind of like in war with him in lower apartment. Then alcoholic I am or was active drinking and being raped and put into same situations many times. I did get to the point where I did not fear death. It still doesn't scare me. Then marital rape. Married five horrible years. Then more drinking and in bad situations all over again. I was lucky. I got away in those situations. Because I learned survival techniques.

One day at a time. One hour at a time. And yes soothe your self in any way to comfort yourself. and do good things for yourself to make you feel at ease. I snuggle up to a stuffed animal in my bed. I have since before and after I was married, then divorced. I am 41.

You made it this far. on this site, you are surrounded with loving and concerned people who genuinely care about you. This place has saved my life so to speak. ----- Thanks!

I did in my personal life, which is how I got PTSD myself, and then worked at a trauma center in an ER as a hospital chaplain for years. All I can say is that the short answer is that it's amazing what we can withstand if we feel we're not alone, and how little we can stand if we feel abandoned. Hence, as a hospital chaplain we tried to come up along side people in times of life and death.

I hope you don't have to stay in this mode long. Be well.