Hi all this is my update post of my weekend. & it was spiritually planned. Im not gonna go to far into detail but i want to share what i learned & felt.

So last week i had a dream. It was me in a dorm with my brother. I was constantly checking doors trying to find one that opened but never did. I soon realized a man (future me) who was wearing a sweatsuit. This man had NO need to be in a dorm. His stature was superior & should have been asked by an RA, uhh sir are you lost? Wrong building? But they ignored him & he stayed looking at me.. so i got to thee point that im gonna take off running from him.. The more my anxiety built he got closer, the more i felt peace he stayed distant.
I ran outside we fought & wrestled. Came back inside age believing i had disabled him.. i go upstaitlrs to really get away.. walking half way down another hall. The man reappears, but this time with a suit & tie.. i took off towards the steps & when i hopped over the rail to go down the steps quiccker.. i turned around to see where he was & he was already in front of me. Then he reached in his pocket, pulled out a card & it said "you can't run from the light"

So now i have a card in my face everytime i close my eyes. Can't run from the light. . God? Myself? The future? I was so startled that i went to psychic chat rooms to ask what they know about the light.. i didnt get much help because they wanted money. But after search after search.. i came to realize that the dream was letting me know that the light is my future &what im running from is myself.

So the weekend came, it didn't start well.. i was supposed to take a train, my suitemate came late so i missed my train.. & then i had to wait 6.5 Hours for the next one to come. Which was at 1230am.. so i sat & waited at the train station, just thinking about the light.. i got to where i was going & ain't sleep till 5am..

Next day was great, i went to the drag track connected with some beneficial people & had a really great time. I even saw an old friend i went to high school with that i haven't seen for almost 3 years. . I was truly happy, the day showed me my path of future & i wanted it now. But once i left my friend house, i was talking with my sister & i told her how i have been truly felt.. i needed help. I couldn't keep it in anymore. When i was 2, i stuck a pin in the socket & died that moment.. my parents said i was still interacting to the car. . But i was already gone, i watched myself get driven to the hospital, then one u got there my NDE really began. . Once it ended i woke up to a doctor asking if i wanted a chocolate chip cookie.. In my head i was so angry that he asked me that . I have never Eaten chocolate. since that day ive felt emotions.. happy & angry & then there is the gray area of absolute no feeling.. I lived everyday since then replaying what happened. . Everytime i plug something in or someone else.. replay. Anytime i look at the scars on my hands. . Replay.. When im driving 70mph.. replay.. When im sitting bored, replay.. i truly broke down & couldn't drive because we were driving home. My sister had calmed me down but the spirit in me said "Good Good".. I read a book page called "Faith to Faith" it is a whole book for everyday of the year to keep faith & stay focused. I read the entry & it felt like it hit right on the dime.. "God knows how to transform losses into gains. Through the act of giving" & "we are one body of one spirit & should spread the light in every relationship we cross."

Sunday came, palm Sunday went to church. . My sister was making me open up to my parents about it because she realized it was a serious than she thought. & wanted me to get help. Finished church & went to Dennys. I told them & they didn't understand at first. . My dad said "but that was almost 18 years ago" & i felt like they weren't understanding but my sister was there to clear it up. They said they were gonna find help from insurance & get the proper care. I was happy but it didn't feel like the love of their son stayed. I never told them because they were always deciding divorce since i was around 8 & just finalized it Dec 2014... so all that time i felt like asking for help would be a burden. . But now i lay my head down in comfort to know i had released a STRONG hold on me. . That im getting the help i need & i can find ways to continue my life.

Im A dream Walker so im already slightly insane about the future but last night dream told me i need to really reconnect with my past. . I saw most of my HS friends. . It was a beautiful day. . Came in a friend's apt & plagued old school madden. . Everyone beginning to leave it was a beautiful sunny 2am.. Some big guy, ran up on a house & got killed. Because the man in the house was trying to sleep but everyone was happy it was looking beautiful outside. I ran back to the apt , looking for my girl & woke up at 6am..

But it's a new week & start of a new life. Get vulnerable to someone to release the pain of PTSD & find help if you need it. The days keep going forward but you could be left 18 years behind to. . If you read this, i thank you!

Have a great week PTSD family :)