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TW: 12 step talk. If it triggers you, please read no further. Surf on, good buddy.
Herstorically, the biggest problem I have in "letting 'it' go" is defining, "It." Even in the confines of the space between my ears, I find that "It" is not easily defined. My awareness of my poorly defined, "its" began with 12 step work, step 4, The ". . .searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." I kept listing things like, "Intelligence." I had thought my way into some mighty tough corners. Or, "compassion." Caring about other people had been the root of some powerful hurts in my life. Etcetera, etceteri. . .
Then we come to relationship disputes. When we come to the part where all combatants are exhausted and just need rest, we hear the infamous, "Just let it go." I am willing to wager that there had never been an interpersonal dispute where all parties had matching definitions of, "It." Doesn't seem like matching definitions of "it" typically have the power to cause disputes.
Hubs and I have been enjoying growing relief over pausing our marital spats by simply defining, "it." Most times we have been discovering that our respective "its" are not even defined from the same books, much less the same sheet of music. Arguments are easier to settle if we are arguing the same, "It."
In language studies, pronouns are often called, "Little Devils." The more I think on it, the more I think pronouns are even more devilish in psychotherapy work. Don't even get me started on THEM and THEY. . .
Thoughts? Opines?
Herstorically, the biggest problem I have in "letting 'it' go" is defining, "It." Even in the confines of the space between my ears, I find that "It" is not easily defined. My awareness of my poorly defined, "its" began with 12 step work, step 4, The ". . .searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." I kept listing things like, "Intelligence." I had thought my way into some mighty tough corners. Or, "compassion." Caring about other people had been the root of some powerful hurts in my life. Etcetera, etceteri. . .
Then we come to relationship disputes. When we come to the part where all combatants are exhausted and just need rest, we hear the infamous, "Just let it go." I am willing to wager that there had never been an interpersonal dispute where all parties had matching definitions of, "It." Doesn't seem like matching definitions of "it" typically have the power to cause disputes.
Hubs and I have been enjoying growing relief over pausing our marital spats by simply defining, "it." Most times we have been discovering that our respective "its" are not even defined from the same books, much less the same sheet of music. Arguments are easier to settle if we are arguing the same, "It."
In language studies, pronouns are often called, "Little Devils." The more I think on it, the more I think pronouns are even more devilish in psychotherapy work. Don't even get me started on THEM and THEY. . .
Thoughts? Opines?
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Just wanted to give a thank you to Mid, Arfie, Malibumark, Greeneyes, Mlro, Girlincalif, and Suncloudjd! You all always have such helpful tips and advice, but I always forget to write on my posts when I see you post, lol. I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body, lol. Thank you all so much! I'm starting to use my AI app as a sounding board again. I used to use it as that before...
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
*Happydance*!
I've spent over 20 years wondering what "it" is, too. What do I let go? Me, them, spite, booze, pain (and how does one do that exactly when it appears to be a biological process)? Is "it" love, anger, hope?... So AlAnon, blessing as it was, (it!)... definitely left me wondering a few times. I thought I was alone, since everyone else *appeared* fine. (Then again, so did I.)
Yes. Defining the "it* has probably saved my marriage, or at least saved $$ on therapy. It was in Marriage for Dummies, and I've never been as good at stopping the emotional tide as is required to raise my hand and ask, "What exactly is the topic?"
That said, the last decade or so, I've developed the habit, and yes, the number of times Hubby and I are nto only not in the same ballpark but not even in the same *sport*? Yes.
Oh, and "they" say, but if I listen to "them".... Not even Little Devils in psychology. Much worse, for my money. As powerful as peer pressure is to adhere to "They" or "It", how much worse when the person has a degree that allegedly grants them authoritative insight into the Little Devils?
Sorry to ramble, but that was the thoughts and opines and oh-pains for the early morning.
Cheers,
Leo
"We" is another pronoun that throws me for loops. Is that the Royal We, or the Me We or the cocktail party We or the Political We or ? ? ? Sure are lots of We's in the world. . .
Ah. . . THEM little devils. "Diablitos" en el Castellano. . .
I hated my father's Royal We. Meaning "I, so important, I count as everyone in this family". When I hear someone use "wee-wee" to mean urine? I try to remember that was the quality of "we" my dad was using.
Ramble away, and may the Rake be with you. It just rained on me and mine. *sigh*