Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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Let it Be

arfie
arfie
For decades, I raged at my own mind for constantly reviewing the ugly memories of my childhood. "what is the point of this gnarly review?" I raged. "Let us stay focused on the task at hand! Forward ho! Onward, not backward!"

It was the collateral damage that convinced me to stop fighting. Whatever the whatever's of my personal struggle, I cannot excuse myself for the hurts to caring bystanders.

I am now thinking my subconscious is not after the ugly memories. It is attempting to access nearby memories useful to that task at hand. It is my suffering habit that needs to stop at the ugly memories for a rousing round of combat instead of simply accessing the pertinent memory and returning to the task at hand.

Am I making sense? More delusional ranting?

Opinions anyone?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Arfie,
Love your post and I think it makes total sense. Great attitude!
Stephanie
arfie
arfie
My suffering habits love those icky memories and those are not terribly useful unless my goal is new and improved ways to cause pain and suffering.

Most recently I have been building a garden and was haunted by flashbacks surrounding the word, "sweetgrass." The flashbacks were to one of the most horrible periods of my life, cerca 1964. Once I got past the nasties, it carried me to a still unidentified woman who mulched her beds with wild grass that grew near her house. Sweetgrass.

The results are amazing. Each one of my beds looks like it has its own thatch roof.
MillaSofia
MillaSofia
Making sense.
rainyangel
rainyangel
So do you think deep down, you want to suffer? I"m used to suffering myself. Seems like I can't let myself enjoy anything. I like what you said because it got me thinking. I can't seem to do anything without a memory coming to mind and usually something unpleasant because my past 25 yrs were 90% unpleasant. Do you think they come up sometimes to be healed? I read once that if you look back on something and it still causes pain, then it hasn't really been dealt with. ?? Or will everything always be painful to look back on. It's like you have to think about the past to live in the present because it's what you base your knowledge and perceptions and beliefs etc on right? If everything in your past is messed up and negative and painful and fearful, then how do you be ok now? I can't seem to figure it out. I guess all that shit needs to be dealt with until it doesn't hurt anymore? It seems like if I remember something good, my mind always connects it to something painful. It sucks.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes, making a lot of sense. I think you are really on to something.
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