Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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Just lose it

FindingKatB
FindingKatB
My mother is aware of what has happened at home, as with my brother and I. Out of nowhere, she tells me that she needs to tell me something.

Someone from housing will be coming over to the apt,I guess to see its conditions. What got to me was when she mentioned that if they ask me anything about my brother and his gf and any incidents of violence, to NOT say anything. I WAS HEATED...

I was freaking amazed and I told her how incredible she is!!! I couldn't believe it. I know she has asked me at times to NOT say anything but this,this I just couldn't take it. I WAS screaming, crying and just out of breath. I kept saying how tired I am of letting the bad guys get away, meanwhile I am this damaged person. These people want to give my brother a place to live...

She has no idea what damage is and how it feels to be like me. Lately, my perception of myself is that I feel like I don't belong in this body. At times, I have thought I should be a guy. As a female, I feel destroyed. But as a sister and daughter,I've had nothing but grief and despair and hurt. The more I endure, I wonder how much more can I take?

What I don't understand is how my own mom could not just see how much I hurt. I AM TIRED of fighting a losing war. That's all I keep doing and I keep hanging, holding on. I know how ignorant she is but damn, I feel like this anger is more than just that; it's fury.

it's not fair. Its just not right that I have all of this going on and he thinks that he can just get away with it... I would do things differently if I could but I wouldn't be able to; not even. The fate of my brother doesn't belong in my hands...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your mother's lack of understanding about the pain your in and the harm done to you is tragically typical, maybe the rule even in incestuous families. One family member rapes you and the other parent or parents neglect you during and afterwards. It always seems to me like the other parent has abused through abandonment. Otherwise the incest would only happen once, then the other parent would step in and protect & defend the child from further abuse. I was most certainly abandoned by my mother. It's such a betrayal! Then your massively hurt by the rape and become alone in the world at the same time, because no one respects the harm done. I had to walk away from my mother. But it took me until I was 30 to do it. It's hard and painful to have a mother who will not understand. I'm sorry for your pain.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Katb,

You know you feelings are justified. You have finally gotten so things can all be exposed What ever your mom's twisted logic is, just don't buy in to it. Silence is the opposite of what is called for at present.

Given the fact your mom is not protecting you but trying to shield your brother has got to be extremely painful, but it also makes it very clear to you about who NOT to rely on.

You've seen the writing on the wall, now protect yourself from
further damage Katb. Let all be exposed.

My heart goes out to you sweetie. Move forward and you can find your calmer place.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
As diana said, this behavior, sadly, is more the rule than the exception in families like ours, KatB. Letitbe called it "the writing on the wall." 51% recently posted how she finally got it in therapy that her mom would "never, ever" (her words) come through for her. It's hard, but I had to realize it, too. No matter how we raise our voice, there is either a deafness or, worse, a flaw in the receiver that twists our words backwards in such family systems.

We've survived them, which is a miracle, so we should be able to fix them, too, right? At least finally get what we deserve out of them? But alas, that's often not possible. I feel for you, as I've been where you are many times, feeling helpless before the deafness. I had to walk away and start my life over or waste my life and my survival on trying to get blood from a turnip, so to speak. I had to be without these folks to take care of myself. Take care, Kat.