Just when things were going so well. I loved speaking about PTSD at a church today, and last Sunday, too, and going to that uplifting MusiCorps concert on Friday night that celebrated PTSD recovery.

But I just got an email with my lab results from my blood draw last Thursday for my kidney doctor's appointment coming up day after tomorrow, Tuesday. The renal test results came back abnormal.

For those of us with chronic kidney disease, our creatinin level is key. It has slid 3 points to the bad for me since my last blood test in July.

I've done everything by the book. I go to the clinic and see the nurse, dietician, and health educator once a week, and I follow the diet to the letter. I don't drink any alcohol, I don't smoke, I don't eat any sugar or carbs or anything sugar related. I have limited my coffee intake to 1 cup a day, and I drink clear diet soda if I drink soda at all. I take my meds perfectly as prescribed, I get good and regular rest. There's not much else I can do.

I have 60% permanent kidney damage, so I haven't been able to take PTSD meds any more for 4 years now and I've dealt with my PTSD symptoms without meds for 4 years after having meds available to me for 15 years. That was quite an adjustment. Now I'm managing my PTSD symptoms without meds and trying to preserve the 40% kidney function I have left to keep working full time teaching at my community college. If my kidney function slides down to 25% from its current 40% I am looking at having to go on dialysis for 3 hours a day 3 times a week, which is horrible to me.

I lost my ten year career as a hospital chaplain because of the onset of kidney disease in 2010 and went to teaching college at a 4 year college in 2011 instead. I lost that job at a 4 year college because my health crashed again in 2011 just a year later and was left on my own then. So this third job since then is it for me, and I appreciate it and want to keep it and not go on disability. I haven't missed a day teaching school in two years so I would have a sterling record for my bosses. Saturday before last, though, I was so exhausted I slept 15 hours straight, so I knew something was wrong.

Though I live alone I'm usually a hopeful person, but this news has knocked the wind out of me and I'm stressed out right now. Please send prayers and good thoughts my way while cope with worry and I wait to see my doctor day after tomorrow on Tuesday to find out what's next. It's hard to take this right now, and very I'm tired, so if you would hold my arms up for me toward the heavens a bit for me it would help me keep my my spirits elevated. Thank you.