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Is Keeping Secrets a Health Hazard?

arfie
arfie

My psychotherapy started in earnest while I was in the U.S. Army 5th Signal Command with high level security clearances and training to go with with the responsibility. The Signal Corps takes National Security VERY seriously and allot of training goes into how to keep secrets, including the psychological stresses which accompany the need. For a child sex trafficking survivor, the national security training and the psychotherapy were compatible in ways I am still coming to understand. I was still suffering Trauma Induced Amnesia at that time and couldn't have told my childhood secrets if I wanted to, but. . . Different thread. . .


I've been surfing for research, etc., on the physics of secret keeping. Thought I'd share a bit of what I found.


http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2016/06/real-reason-keeping-secrets-is-hard.html


Commentary and additional insights welcome.

arfie
arfie
Oops. Trying again on the link and adding a nerdier one.

http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2016/06/real-reason-keeping-secrets-is-hard.html

https://www.forbes.com/sites/nextavenue/2013/10/24/keeping-secrets-can-be-hazardous-to-your-health/#561da2d960bd
jewells1
jewells1
Yeah, depending on different factors. What the secret is , how open knowledge may effect others, how it affects your own moral structure or cognitive dissonance....I could go on but suffice it to say my tongue has been bitten by me more than anyone else.

Keeping the secrets under pressure definitely effects health if we are not in agreement with them or who wants us to keep them...I go silent, but since the silence may need to be multilayered, I shut down all. Just getting my voice back is a process.
Amp up the stress and pass the antacid.
jennyoo7
jennyoo7
Secrets can feel like lies for me. I don't have to tell all the details but even speaking of whatever it is is a huge purge for me. I do lie sometimes but by the end of the day I can't sleep without purging it and coming clean. It torments me. My word carries more worth than impressing anyone, and my hubs does not like to be lied to but says he appreciates the truth and knows he can trust I'll always tell him. I'm a work in progress lol.
arfie
arfie
I believe secrets are lies of omission.

Of course you are a works in progress, Jenny. Great works of art are never finished.
patti22
patti22
I agree secrets are lies. Lies equal disrespect. Equals I don't think that you can "handle" this. Or I don't want to deal with the fallout...or whatever.

I don't lie to my kids. They deserve to know and can handle the truth.

***Talking about the shit that their dad, and to a lesser extent I, did in the divorce, humanizes us both. It makes it clear to my kids that I'm okay with them loving him even after things that have happened.

They, in turn, don't have to hide their love of him from me, try to protect me, or any of the other psychological knots that we put ourselves in.

We are all, my kids included, complicated mixes of good choices and bad choices.
jennyoo7
jennyoo7
Just a question but what do you guys think about secrets that happened to you. Something bad happened and you don't tell anyone. Is it a lie not to tell anyone or just your story?
Dooo
Dooo
My first thought when I read the title was 'absolutely'. Then I went on to read your post. Wow, that is a tough one. One thing I learned is that secrets breed shame. I try to think along the lines of loyalty and integrity. If i am listening to someone open their heart to me and they ask me not to say anything, I do not think that is a secret. It is private. To me, a secret is wrong and it comes with guilt and shame. Privacy is a need.

Support while you sort.
Community LeaderLeo
Leo
Tough stuff.
I didn't know I had the option to tell. Does that make what was going on a secret that I omitted to tell, ergo, a lie by omission, or was I just unaware that it *could* be said, but should *not* be said (by house rules)?

Fear gets into it with me. Old fear, new fear, all fear. And, of course, there's *who* you're talking to as part of the equation... (the calculus of healing?)... I can tell things here I cannot in real life. Am I lying or am I defending myself from further harm? Am I keeping secrets or simply holding myself safe from Others?

I can chase my tail on this one for *weeks*... *sigh*
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
I think we're often as sick as our secrets, at least the traumatic ones. Which is why keeping state security secrets is such a weighty responsibility, not for the nation alone, but for the bearer of secrets. As a hospital chaplain it was my job to hear confessions from patients every day, and I saw what a burden they can be, and how liberating unburdening is.
jewells1
jewells1
re: Pattie, I told and was beaten for speaking it, way more than once before I was 5. After I knew telling what they didn't want to hear was a way to get bigger people with more control even angrier and worse they combined forces. You are a better parent than mine were. Keeping quiet was the "respect" I was expected to give...There were not the safeguards there are now. Parents were believed and their management of things were what the law accepted. It's still that way in many cultures.

And here I am, finding my voice.
arfie
arfie
The research I have been following is finding physical hazards to keeping secrets/lying. Heightened stress hormone production, additional neural activity, etc. A fun secret, like a surprise party or the promotion coming your way, is worth the short-lived risk. A traumatic secret? ? ?

Note:
To my logic, confidentiality is handled though the "Gossip" clauses. Not telling second-hand stories which are not mine to tell is a different phenom than keeping secrets. Maybe? Sorting. . .
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