I feel as hough my decent up bringing has turned me into a target throughout my whole life for bullying. My mother is an angel and my dad is a quiet honorable man who looked after his family. I learned by watching them how to be kind and trusting of others. I think these beautiful tools are not meant for this world of today.
I'm tall and baby faced. Two things that don't work well in the construction trades. I never wanted to hurt anybody and I always tried to get along with people. Unfortunately life is full of jerks. I have had many say to me, if I was your size I would be a bully. I was just the opposite looking out for the little guy. This stratedgy didn't work well for me. I find that I spend far too much time wondering if I should have been more of an aggressive ass like the rest of them. I feel like a coward inside for not defending myself when I could have. I guess I was a serious minded husband and a new father with responsibilities that I took very seriously. They new this and toyed with my brain to see if I would snap. I have experienced so many instances where I have had responsibilty to my family hold me back from being able to just lash out.
Today is a new day, or at least it has been since I became chronically injured. I will never let somebody walk all over me because I am free of responsibility. I harbour so much resentment at the people that SH*T on me that i actually dream of a confrontation even after all this time. It's probably silly male thinking but it eats me up inside.
I have changed and I will choose to fight , because I can live with it. Sorry if this offends but I've been on the recieving end too long with my hands tied and my self worth battered.