Not since my grandma was alive.
"I know all too many who do it dysfunctionally"---truer than false.

*raises hand*

My mom is 70. She moved in with us when she was still a fully active, full-time nurse about 7 years ago now. We planned it that way, so we'd all get integrated into a single household with patterns and so on BEFORE she might need help, etc. We're apparently freaks. People can't believe 1. we did this voluntarily and 2. she doesn't make us nuts and 3. return to number 1. All I heard at the time and still hear is eitehr "WHat about nursing homes?" or "Oh how.... nice?"

Even with my PTSD issues---and those with mom smoothed out in a matter of months, which I now realize is sorta miraculous---we function well. We reno'd this house when we bought it so she had her own space but we planned ahead for potential issues of disability (door widths, door handles, etc.) and so she had more an "independent living" situation. If she needs something she either gives a holler or calls with her phone, and off we go. We check on her regularly (since she retired a couple years ago) throughout the day, and since our laundry room ended up in "her" space---we ask if it's okay to do laundry, she asks about using our kitchen (since she doesn't have one, she doesn't really cook for herself so much as reheat in a microwave in her "suite")....

So, yep, three adults, living funcitonally. When she still worked, we made sure to remember she slept on a different schedule and to accommodate that (she always loved evening shift), and since my PTSD issues, she's learned to ask if it's okay to hug me, etc. I don't know why I'm listing all that, guess just b/c I am now realizing how odd it must be!

I will add that in my mom's family, however, it is a tradition going back to Poland that the parents are either moved in or you move in next door and get used to running over, or similar co-habitation situations. But Mom and I were both born in the US, so I hope that means we still count?

(BTW I just realized I listed all that b/c my mother-in-law just can't believe an adult child and elderly parent can get along that well in one house, and I'm so used to explaining I just do.... LOL?)

Yes, Leo, that counts. Thank you for the hope. I think it is a normal in most countries. My own family immigrated here without elders and has never practiced it here in the US. I am clueless. I don't see myself being able to care for a mentally ill man until my dying day. Certainly not beyond. No way he can care for himself, much less anyone else.

Functionality needed. Prayers in progress. PIP.

Jewells, in my circle it is 100% true. None of the American born families I know with 2 or more adult generations in residence are functional. It is misery personified. Elder abuse is the norm.

The only thing I can say is that I echo your "WTF"ness about American culture not being able to embrace the concept of an extended family living together.

My husband's Turk, and that's the only way they live over there.

It's nice to live with grandma! And not because your mom's on drugs and dad's with his other babymama.

Sorry for the sarcasm. I'm in a dark place right now.

Oh- as for the tips...

Rely upon the community and others to help. Can't leave Dad alone? get sitters. Go to the Senior Center or other places for resources.

It takes a village to raise a child; same with caring for elderly parents.

Full circle and all that mystic stuff...

In my circles it is elderly parents caring for dependent adult offspring. I have heard of it going the other way with US born folk, but have not yet seen it first hand. Leo would be the closest I have gotten. My parents and in-laws made their own arrangements. Same for all my peers.

Outside of my family I was witness to a few families at the pow wow yesterday where the old and the young live together well... I envy that.

It has looked quite beautiful in other countries where I have had the privileges of being invited to share. Sheer envy caused me to cry myself to sleep beneath those roofs. It struck me as a thing of great beauty.

Alas, that beauty seems unobtainable here in the US. It takes a community...

See, that whole "elderly caring for dependent adult offspring" doesn't work for me----unles the adult offspring has literally no other options. That's not how it works. THey take care of us when we can't (as kids). We return the blessing when they are in that position (as elderly adults). That's the equation. Cinch.
I willa dd that my in-laws are making their own arrangements and my MIL frequently states that it's great we do this for my mom. However, she and FIL have $$$$ and my mom has zip, so... financial considerations also come into it.

I just don't get it. My uncle married a woman who cares for her elderly parent, too.... maybe it only seems uncommon in the US?

This makes me sad. I jsut dont' get it.

The cultural difference run DEEP.

Americans value independence; others can do interdependence.

We think that the goal is to move out of your parent's house asap and get your own. That's just not the goal elsewhere. I think our fiscal agency comes at the price of family ties.